A Sense of Guilt ✔

Chapter 8

Joe was up surprisingly early to go for a run on Saturday morning. More than anything he needed to clear his head. Katherine looked startled when he appeared in the kitchen and she offered to join him on his run.

'You're still eating breakfast,' he pointed out as he filled his water bottle.

'I can be ready in half an hour,' she said and he held in a sigh.

'I'm ready to go now, and besides you slow me down.' He smiled trying to take the sting out of the words.

'Oh ok,' Katherine said looking a little disappointed.

He ignored the guilt that was clawing at him, telling himself there was nothing wrong with wanting a bit of space from your fiancee or a bit of time to think by yourself. He grabbed his keys and set off at a slow pace, allowing his thoughts to turn to Shannon.

He'd known all along it was risky to meet up with her, that his motives were questionable. When he'd seen her sitting in the bar it was like the past seven years were nothing. Even though she'd changed she looked the same to him, she had the same smile that he'd always thought was a combination of shyness and slyness. He'd expected her to feel like a distant acquaintance but she hadn't. Almost instantly he'd relaxed into their old relationship, enjoying her teasing him.

He sighed and began to pick up speed. He loved Katherine, of that he was certain, and he was going to marry her. They were perfect for each other and even Donnie's mocking didn't have him questioning their relationship. And yet he was thinking about Shannon. Common sense told him he was feeling nostalgic; even if he'd been single he knew they'd never get back together. Shannon had dumped him after all. For a long time he'd refused to think about her but now he let his thoughts drift back to that fateful call.

'Shannon, finally you've answered,' Joe said relief in his voice. She'd been impossible to get hold of lately, and even his messages had gone unanswered or had the briefest of replies.

'I've been busy Joey.' Her voice sounded strained.

'Are you ok babe, you sound tired?'

'Yeah I've got a lot on, and I've had a lot of stuff to think about,' she said drifting off. Something about her tone put him on edge.

'Stuff like what?'

'Well, me and you, being so far apart...we're like on different planets,' she said. Somewhere deep inside him, Joe knew what was coming.

'It'll be summer soon, we'll be together then.'

'It's about more than that Joey,' she said her voice breaking. 'There's too much distance between us now.'

'What are you saying?' However he knew the answer.

'I want to break up,' she said and started to cry. She was saying more to him but he couldn't make her words out between the sobs.

'Well I don't want to break up,' he pleaded cutting her off. 'Why don't we wait till the summer, see how we get along when we're back together.' He hated how desperate he sounded.

'There's no point Joey, it's over,' she said, and he realised he was crying too.

'Shannon please...'

'Joey I can't do this,' she cried. 'I have to go, we'll talk another time.'

Joe had let her end the call and despite him sending a few pleading messages she'd never got back in touch. They'd met briefly at a party during the summer and she had acted like he was a stranger. He'd been so hurt he didn't attempt to contact her again.