"You have a weird way of showing love you know that?" She chuckled.
I scrunched my nose up to try and hide my grin. It's amazing how she can make me smile when I've just been bawling my eyes out.
I sniffled and took a deep breath; that was a huge weight off my shoulders.
She knew I was relived. "Aren't you glad I know you so well?"
I giggled even though I took it seriously, I really was glad. I don't think I would have been able to say all that while crying.
"There's just one thing I don't understand though." She told me.
"What's that?" I asked.
"How have you lasted this long by yourself? You wouldn't have come to me now unless you really needed me, but what about before we were close? Didn't you need anyone then?"
Of course I needed someone, well not until after...
"Mom and Dad have never really been there for me." I started. "So I have kind of always had to figure out and deal with things myself. I think Mom and Dad mean well but they just don't know if they should treat me like a normal kid or as a kid who's about to die." I paused to look for the right words to say.
"They must think that treating me as a normal kid would be ignoring the problem while treating me as a kid who's about to die would just make things too emotional. I imagine they are scared that it is too much of a touchy topic for me, and because of this they have kinda distanced themselves from me. I have always had to be independent so it wasn't too hard for me until I got a taste of what friendship is really like. That's why when Carter..." I trailed off, I'm sure she already knew what I was gonna say.
"I got another chance to be independent when he left, but it wasn't the same as before. So I started journaling. I get out all my hopes and fears and thoughts and plans without needed a real friend."
"And that's why you ask for a notebook every year." Annalynn said in realization. "I always thought that you used them for school."
I giggled. I guess I could keep a secret from her after all.
"How often do you wright?"
"Every day."
"How do you find something to write every single day?"
"The same way you can think of something to say to your friends everyday. I just update. Like the last journal I did I talked about some research I did..." I cut myself off before I said too much.
"What did you do research on?" She questioned exactly what I didn't want to tell her.
"It doesn't matter." I waved it off, hoping she would move on but she didn't.
She raised one eyebrow as she looked at me. She was probably expecting me to just spill everything at that but I stood my ground.
"If it doesn't matter then why won't you tell me?" She asked.
I already spilled half my guts tonight I was not prepared to spill the other half.
"Because it doesn't matter!" I admit, that was not a good comeback.
"Cmon! I'm your sister! You gotta tell me."
I dramatically crossed my arms and turned my head.
"Can I guess?" She asked me, and before she let me give an answer she asked her first question,
"Was it on ways to keep yourself from dying?"
First guess?! No way!
I showed my astonishment on my face. I'm sure she would have celebrated if it wasn't such a serious topic.
"What did you find?" She asked.
"Nothing that can help me." I told her.
Defeat washed over both of our faces.
"We'll find a way, together." She assured me.
Of course I didn't believe her, but she looked so hopeful. "Okay."
"You ready for bed Shany?" She asked me as she ruffled my hair.
"Yeah," I answered contently.
So with that, we left her bedroom and head off for mine. We reached the top of the stairs and to the door way of my bedroom before she stopped to look at me.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" She asked.
"Nah I'm alright, that consolation was all I needed."
I smiled at her, although I'm not sure if it was real or not.
She smiled back anyways.
"Okay, goodnight and sleep tight." She said still smiling.
With that she gave me a kiss on the forehead that made my cheeks flush, luckily it was too dark for her to see. She then turned and headed back down the stairs, I watched her until I couldn't see her anymore and then whispered,
"Don't let the bed bugs bite."
YOU ARE READING
One Year Left to Live | ✔️
General Fiction"So this is what it has come down to? A lifetime of anxiety lead me to this moment. But it wasn't worth any of it because this is it; the moment has come anyway. This is where I die and there's nothing you can do about it." - Shanalee lives in an al...
