bored af // spam book 2.0

:') update on my health

that smiley face haS A NOSE NOT A TEAR OK THANK YOU

what kind of tear goes down ur face sideways i think tf not

unless you're laying down stfu i didn't ask u

ANYWAYS i'm on my period and i'm mad

but i'm not mad about being on my period ok i'm mad about the usual shit

it's a psa hello

i'm fucking gay and i hate myself

i've noticed i've been gaining weight after i start getting better/not throwing up HMM COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT

however i was noticing the weight thing a few days before my period actually started so hi i'm just bloated

however

if i think i'm fat and think i need to take precautions then let me do it

while i was at my aunts house hey cousin kylie i know you're reading this i was like "hm i'm v nauseous but i haven't really ate anything"

turns out i was just v hungry

so like i ate

but after i ate i continued to burp (as i do) and i fuCkING threw up in my mouth wow

that wasn't even on purpose

so OF COURSE i go to the bathroom and just bleh and i feel better

however now i have no food in my system

do i eat more or do i just wait until i'm noticeably hungry

this didn't go on for sometime because at my dads we eat pretty fairly.

if we're all hungry then we'll go out and eat

ME, i couldn't tell if i was hungry or just grossed out from my meal or whatever so i just "no i'm not hungry" and my family ate while i didn't

and i wake up the next day and i'm just. nothing.

am i hungry or am i just in pain?

have i lost my appetite?

i wait a bit and i'm just "ok maybe i am hungry"

i have some cereal and i'm suddenly so full it's weird

then i skip lunch and wait for my dad and step mom to get off work. when they come home they're all starving but i still can't tell if i'm hungry or in genuine pain?

i eat, like, half a burger and some fruit and then i feel so fucking stuffed.

next day i can feel somewhat hunger but not to the extent of "wow in hungry" but more of a "im so hungry that i'm in pain therefore i don't want to eat"

it's weird just let me be

but we go out to eat and i have CHICKEN AND WAFFLES btw that's so bomb but then i'm like "ugh i'm so full" and my dad gives me a lecture about how i shouldn't keep eating if i'm full, no matter the issue because he genuinely cares about my health.

LATER ON we go shopping a whole lot and they're all like "i want boba/coffee" and i'm like "fuck i'm stuffed i don't want anything" but we get there and i'm like shit so i order a lemonade and now i'm even more stuffed wow

the rest of the day we shop some more i got cute clothes and we later get In N Out again so fucking bomb and i feel.. normal?

as i was eating i couldn't tell how i felt but i just really wanted water and fries. like, i wanted so much of just that

NOW IM AT MY MOMS and i had cereal for breakfast (i wasn't hungry when i ate it and i felt full after i did) and it's been many hours later

here i am

hungry but in pain

and i haven't eaten since, like, 9:20 AM.

it's 2:48 PM

but like in between those times i had a drink from starbucks (90 calories what) and then i was like "no food until i'm starving" but now i'm starving but don't want to get up

HOWEVER i was walking around today and i felt p good. like, i didn't feel fat or anything, i felt good. i wore shorts felt fine

but now i'm hungry and depressed and i'm laying in bed not wanting to do anything

i even stopped my 5 hours worth of Dream Daddy gameplay from Markiplier so i can type this out

leave me be this is my therapy

sooo uhm that's my update on my health.

i think i'm gonna go eat.

but i don't want to. like i genuinely don't want to eat.

U KNO WHAT I WJAT I WANT A GIRLFRIEND but i can't have one of those because
1. i'm not out to everyone hi
2. no one likes me??????
3. i'm gay and that's a problem blah blah blah.

thanks for putting up with me BYE