"so you're leaving?" i slowly asked her, for probably the thousandth time already. my eyes were starting to produce tears but i compelled them to preclude themselves from falling down my sore cheeks. her chest quickly rose and slowly fell as i watch her heave a difficult sigh. her hazel brown eyes looked up for the first time and i swore i could see her broken soul seeking refuge in me.
"perrie, all i'm asking is for you to support me," she told me.
"support the fact that you're leaving your own girlfriend behind?" i countered, which made her eyes widen in surprise and dismay evident on her face. for a moment i felt guilty, vaguely remembering the pledge that i had made the time when jade and i were official. but then anger governed me as i quickly remained my facade as to prove my point to her.
i heaved a sigh, feeling restive. same dialogues have been said over and over again every single day. it's safe to say that i'm starting to get used to this, but it's starting to hurt me now.
jade was offered to become the next CEO in Vogue after her boss saw her spectacular article back in September. i was so proud of her, thinking that she would still stay here in New York. only to be told that jade will be leaving the night of June 5th. to say that i was angry would be an understatement, because i was feeling more than that.
jade and i fought during the night i found out about her imminent departure, and it was the worst fight we've ever had in the span of our 2-year relationship. many livid and hurtful words were spilling from our mouths, throwing themselves at each other's faces, resulting to a considerable amount of wounds embedded in our fragile hearts. that was the first time jade actually told me how she was "trying" and already on the verge of giving everything up. and that was the first time i felt like my world was suddenly falling apart.
and i thought that was a sign that maybe our relationship would be falling apart already, until jade came home that night and apologized which i gladly accepted and kissed her fervently.
the fight wasn't resumed, much to my satisfaction knowing that maybe jade wouldn't take the job offer anymore. until now.
"i thought there's no turning back," she sighed, her eyes intrigued by my frustrated ones.
"seems like you're the one turning back from this, jade," i humorlessly chuckled.
"what the hell happened to you, perrie?!" she asked me, annoyed and appalled by my impudent answers. she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she continues to hold her annoyed gaze at me. "seems like you've changed, actually."
"i did not change at least a little, jade," i growled, the displeasing tension hanging between us like a pendant hanging on the razor-thin chain of a necklace. "maybe you're the one who's changed between us here. when have you decided to leave me, huh? wasn't my confession persuasive enough?"
"you were the one who stopped supporting me now!"
that was the last straw before my eyes saw red. my thoughts were preoccupied, clouded by anger and pride as i picked the nearest TV remote control sitting on the marbled coffee table and basically threw it at a wall near her figure. shouting the words that have been desperately trying to abscond from the tip of my tongue since the start of all of this.
"screw all of this!" i began yelling. "screw your job! screw you!"
i did not get the chance to see the look on her face for i instantly stormed off the house, deliberately slamming the house door shut as to act on my anger towards her.
----
the contrition and remorse are killing me right now as i looked back at last night. i felt immensely guilty as i remember the precise words i said to her, putting myself inside her shoes afterwards and virtually feeling the potency of those words and the needles they just threw.
