Bitter Sweet Melodies (girlxgirl)

Prologue

I don't know how it started. Maybe it was with my friends' persistence and interfering nature, which I allowed to my own dismay. Maybe it was my pride, which had never gotten in the way of my love life before. Maybe it was the very notion of heartbreak that drove me to make the bad choices I made. The truth is, I don't know. All I know is that I still love her and I'd do anything to win her back.

I laugh because my friends think am crazy. But they don't understand how amazing she made me feel. My naturally cold body would warm up at the sight of her. My hands would sweat and my heart would stop for a second and every time, I would see her through this self-made perception of perfection.

She could never hurt me, I was a hundred percent certain. I trusted her, even when she told me not to, but just like any other stereotypical person, I believed I could change her, show her that I trusted her enough to never hurt me, to never cause me any harm. (Never, but I was wrong)

She was so beautiful, so carefree, her laughter used to make me nervous and excited all at the same time. The first time we made love and the first time she declared her love for me, that was the day I opened myself up to love and all the worldly possibilities. Nothing could compare to the joy we shared for those first few weeks, those steamy nights of passion. Absolutely nothing.

But our love and our lives were headed in two different directions as we would later come to learn. When I was scared and she'd take my hand into her small warm ones, confidence and courage would grow in me and like the brutal surge of a waterfall, I would rise to my feet (hypothetically, of course) and face another day.

She brought so much joy into my life. She was classy and sexy, her beautiful flawless face, that awesome sight of her full bosom, her small petite body and her soft green eyes. Combined, she was like a model out of a playboy magazine. Elegant but sexy as hell.

We had so much fun together. God, we had so many firsts. You'd think that at this day and age you've done everything but with her, every experience was new. It was so amazing sharing all that with her. She was the perfect partner.

I don't know when things changed, I can't pinpoint it really... but when she left, I buried myself in such a deep hole of self-pity and depression. I started drinking. I'd take gallons of vodka and wonder how the hangovers or the extreme cases of dehydration did not kill me. I would go days without eating and wonder how that did not kill me. I would black out in strange places after nights of drinking sprees, still wake up to wonder how I was still breathing.

At one time, I reached the climax of all of my pain, took a sharp shard of glass and jabbed the jagged edge on the back of my palm in an attempt to focus my mind from the emotional pain I desperately wanted to escape from. My palm swelled up like an inflated balloon and I was in constant physical pain. The pain helped for a while because every time my heart would come awake, I would put pressure on the swollen palm and the physical pain would be so much, I'd forget the emotional pain, but she didn't know. She didn't know how much I loved her.

I wanted to get rid of the heartbreak of losing her so desperately and torturing myself was the only way I knew how to punish myself for the anguish I had caused her. I was afraid of how deeply she loved me, how much of herself she gave up to be with me, the people she left and hurt in attempts to be with me. God, she loved me.

But being the egocentric fool that I was, I never quite saw it. I just thought she was with me for other reasons, which I can't really think of.

My friends, oh such dear friends I have, told me to leave her. They said she was the wrong girl for me. They said she'd end up hurting me and that I loved her way more than she loved me. The moment we would fight, one of them would find a woman to hook me up with. I would not do anything because all I needed was my girl, my wife. Not a consolation fuck. I just wanted her to find me and tell me that she loved me.