Becoming Cody

Blame It On The Alcohol...

• Trigger Warning •

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

November 14th

So it's been about a week since we've moved to Florida. And to say the least, I hate it. Kacee and I are falling back into our old ways. I'm cutting more, if that's even possible and I'm not eating. Kacee, she's isolating herself from everyone, including me. When she normally isolates from the outside world she still let's me in. The fact I'm being shut out too is dangerous. I told you guys I still have a lot to explain but now's not the time.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I get out of bed and look at my phone,

7:36 AM

I groan and lay back down, I haven't been able to sleep. I roll my eyes and get up, I go to Kacee's room and wake her up.

"Fuck off." Kac mumbles.

She turns over and tries to go back to sleep. I pull the covers off of her and she turns over to look at me.

"Fuck that, get your ass up." I say.

Kac groans knowing I'm not going to let her go back to sleep. She sits up and gets out of bed.

"What the fuck do you want?" Kac asks.

"Stop bitching and let's go." I say.

I leave and go back to my room. I brush me teeth and wash my face. I already have on sweatpants and a tee-shirt so I throw on my Nike slides. I go back to Kac's room and see she has on the same thing I do but in different colors.

"I'm up, I'm dressed, let's go."

I laugh at her and we head out. Our car is still in Washington so until it gets here we're allowed to use mom's. Carli has to convince mom to let us use her car.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" Kac asks.

"Just shut the fuck up and relax." I say.

Kac rolls her eyes before sitting back and looking out the window. When I was driving to the store one night, I got lost and found this little hill. At the top you can see the city and it's a pretty amazing view, especially when the sun is rising. I find a parking spot and then start walking up the path to the top. When I get there I sit and Kac does the same.

"You've been shutting everyone out and I really didn't give a fuck until your started shutting me out too." I say.

"Cody, you can't tell anyone if I tell you this okay."

I look at Kac and see that she's scared and nervous, she can't sit still or look me in my eyes.

"Okay." I respond.

"I started drinking again and I started smoking again too." Kac says.

I look at her and she looks at me for the first time in days. I see the bags under her eyes, she hasn't been sleeping either. Kac didn't put makeup on and you can see how defeated she looks.

"I started cutting again and I'm not eating." Cody says.

"We need help." Kac says.

"We need each other." I mumble.

"I'm sorry, for shutting you out. I'll open up but right now only to you."

"That's all I ask for Kac your my sister I wanna be there for you."

Kac moves closer to me and wraps her arm around me. She was born first and you can sometimes tell because she babies me. We didn't bring our sweatshirts and we should have because its pretty cold in the morning.