Montana and Natasha were inseparable. Until the day they weren't.
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Montana Belmonte-Rowe sees her acceptance into Harvard as a fresh start. Still haunted by the tragic death of...
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE
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I DON'T EVEN HOLD GRUDGES. That's not the type of person I am. That explains why I want to forgive Natasha with all I have, truly, and I'm immensely glad we're trying to patch things up with each other instead of simply not being on speaking terms, but I feel like I deserve more than that. I feel like I deserve a genuine apology, one coming from the heart, and not one that's made just because someone wants to clear their conscience.
When it's a heartfelt apology, you just know it. You feel it all across your body, you feel it in your bones, and it warms you up inside realizing the other person really wants to mend things with you before everything is ruined beyond repair. Natasha's apology didn't make me feel like that, and I doubt it was thanks to the heavy weight on my eyelids.
I don't doubt she has good intentions, but I also know her well enough to know most of what she does is for validation—not that there's anything wrong with that, as we all need to feel appreciated by others—and fear she might be looking for forgiveness for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it will settle things down once and for all, meaning I really am the pushover everyone paints me as, or maybe she'll see me as her safety net, someone who will forgive her regardless of how badly she messes up.
I've messed up too. I'll be the first to admit it. The difference is that I owned up to it at the time and am still doing it now, even though it's been a year and a half since she left, while she waited this long to talk to me. Worse, she didn't even say it to my face—she waited until everyone had gone to bed and spoke to my back in the middle of the darkness of my bedroom, where I was half-asleep.
I don't doubt she only apologized because we attend the same college, because she is my guide and because we happen to share a group of friends; all of those have very different causes, as I got into Harvard out of my own pure merit and worked hard throughout high school, she's my guide because she was randomly assigned to me and had no say in the matter and we have the same group of friends because Blake is dating Luke and dragged our entire suite into his group.
