Life without You...

Part 10 - One Year Anniversary

Letty's POV

Mr Toretto's anniversary rolled round suddenly. I stood with my head bowed beside his grave in the slightest drizzle of rain. The rain was hot and the droplets ran down my arms as I stood there in my jeans and tank top. Even though it was killing me to admit it, tears were rolling freely down my cheeks staining them and making my eyes sting. I murmured prayers that he was happy and that he was protecting us always. Then I sat down in the soft earth and talked to him. I didn't talk to anyone about how I felt but things were beginning to build up inside me and I was carrying it around like a weight on my shoulders. Part of me felt like I was knuckling under now and I was not the type of person who knuckled under.

"What do I do?" I asked the empty graveyard. "I don't know how long I can keep going. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to collapse then I see Mia grinning because there's money for groceries and it seems all worth while. Sometimes I want to quit then I realise if I do I'll lose the house and I want the house to be here when Dom comes home because I think I might love him."

Those words surprised me as I hadn't even registered them in my own mind. If I'd had the thought I must have dismissed them quickly and with relative ease because now they had been voiced out loud they astounded me.

"Wow, I didn't think I'd say that out loud," I said with a slight laugh. "But seriously, how did you ever do this? You provided for four people for years and paid the mortgages on the house, the garage and the shop. I've been doing this for nearly a year now and it's been so difficult. Everything is so damn expensive and it kills me to think I practically hate spending money of any sort because it means something else has to give. You probably already know but I sold the Cobra, it was the only way I could pay the bills that month. I'm so damn tired of doing anything and everything."

I was ranting a little but I'd carried this for so long it felt like a cross on my shoulders bearing me down. Even when I wrote letters to Dom I filtered most of the crap out and gave him a very positive picture. Most of it was extensions of the truth, making our lives look better.

"Call me selfish if you want but I want to be taken care of for a while cause it ain't easy taking care of everyone else all the time. Damn, I love Mia and everything she does for me but it's hard. Too hard for an seventeen year old girl. Too hard for anyone to bare single handedly, yet you did it for years. Mr Toretto, I have a new found respect for you man and I'll carry that respect with me everywhere I go."

I felt a little lighter as I stood up. Now I wasn't so sure I was fighting against the world but I still hated the world for all the crap it had put us through. Gritting my teeth I forced myself to carry on. Unburdening myself had helped a little but I'd done good so far I could carry on for thirteen more months. Nearly there. I could feel my own fight stirring within me and it drove me onwards. Working that day was easier than I could have prayed for, I worked hard that day, turning out the cars faster than I usually did but I assumed my eagerness for a distraction made it seem easier.

That night sitting in the house was strange. Mia had taken the day off school and sadly spent the whole day in bed. I had opted to work anyways as being busy stopped me feeling as much. When I came home there was no dinner on the table like usual so I made my way to the fridge to start cooking when a thought stuck me. As much as we couldn't afford it, a take away would be nice. Fatty food would distract us for a bit. 

I still recalled the number of the Chinese that delivered and wasn't ti far away. I ordered a half and half with curry sauce on the side, salted chilli chicken and smoked crispy chicken. Both of our favourites.

Then I trudged upstairs. "Hey Mi, dinner will be here in half an hour!" I called from the hall hoping to lure her out of her room. As I had sort of thought she didn't emerge. Leaning against her bedroom door like a lovesick puppy who had been denied access to his beloved mistress I knocked gently.