Life without You...

Part 11 - Thinking

Letty's POV

Monday morning brought me heading back to work and Mia heading to school. She was reluctant to go and I understood why but I needed her to go. She needed to be educated.

"Look, if you don't want to go I get it," I admitted as I made her toast. Sometimes I acted like her Mother and I didn't like that feeling. "But having a distraction always helps."

"I'll go." Mia grimaced at me and I felt a relieved smile creep across my face.

I set her plate down and ruffled her hair goodbye.

That day she showed up at the garage at quarter to four. I wasn't that surprised.

"Good day?" I asked with a slight twisting in my stomach. Mia never turned up at the garage unless something awful happened and I could only guarantee something awful had happened. School wasn't always the best place to be at.

"No, it's no fun."

"Yeh, well work ain't either." I was trying to make her feel better. I stretched as my back was always stiff from either lying on the cold floor for hours every day or being bent over beneath the bonnet of some guys car.

Mia frowned as I made my way over to the other side of the garage to lift the tools I needed. She sat down on the old sofa which Dom and Vince had dragged here a few years back. In the last year I'd only sat on it a handful of times in the beginning when I wasn't used to working such long days and standing for so long. Back when I actually bothered with breaks. I didn't waste time like that anymore.

"This is what you do all day?"

"All day every day," I agreed as I started back into my work. This dudes car was slowing me up. The mod he wanted done was fucking hard and was doing my wick in looking at it. I was hoping it would be finished today as it was intensely intricate and stupid. The only reason I was doing it was the price of it, the labour price was high on this one. I'd take great pleasure charging a bomb for this as this mod had caused me no end of trouble and annoyance.

"What time you staying to tonight?" Mia asked. I could tell she wanted me to come home.

"Mmm, probably half six like usual be home for quarter to seven, that good for you?" I asked, usually I just assumed Mia would be okay to see me when I turned up.

"Yeh, just wondering," she murmured.

Something had obviously happened at school or she didn't want to sit in the empty house alone. I stayed focused on my work, home stuff had to stay at home. This place was busy and needed kept on top of. I was a cold bitch, wasn't I? I thought as I realised I was delaying asking Mia what had happened or what was wrong because I wanted to keep working. Dismissing my selfishness I dubbed myself practical. Practical, what a cover up for trying to delay dealing with shit.

Mia pulled out homework and sat on the sofa and made notes and I heard her talking to herself as she wrote the start of an essay. It sounded like Religious Education but I didn't focus on her talking, though it was nice to have a bit of background noise. It was a good way to remember that I wasn't on my own all the time.

At half six I closed the bonnet of the 240SX, she was finally finished. The guy could lift her tomorrow, I was staying no longer tonight.

"Right home time girl, I'm ready for dinner," I joked.

Mia packed up her books and I grimaced as I noticed her cream bag was now marked with the dirt from the garage floor. That would bug her no end. Though it was a bit stupid to bring a cream bag to the garage and place it on the dusty floor.

A small frown creased Mia's forehead as we walked towards the door of the garage. I waved her out and flicked all the lights off before locking the door.

"I've nothing made for dinner," she murmured, obviously embarrassed. 

"It's okay, I'll cook tonight," I offered, "You've obviously got homework to do so I'll do a turn at cooking."

We walked to the house and Mia was slightly out of breath. I was used to walking home quite briskly but she ambled along when she walked, going along at her own pace. A few times I had to stop to wait on her.

When we finally arrived at the house it was almost seven. Mia reluctantly agreed to let me cook so I washed my hands well. It always made me laugh how the water was an inky black by the time I was done. I pulled vegetables out of the fridge and started chopping quickly. The sound of the knife hitting the chopping board was amazingly soothing. I sliced chicken and poured a chilli and garlic sauce over it. I'd make tortilla wraps and fill them with chicken and vegetables. Sort of good for you, maybe. I tossed the chicken into a pan to fry and threw oven chips into the oven.

I hurried around as I was eager to get to bed and sleep. Working at the garage was beginning to wear me out and betting the little spare money we had racing would be too addictive and I stood to lose more than I could gain. Though I'd probably win races if I entered them, it was too risky so I didn't bother because I was afraid as much as I hated admitting it.

I made up the wraps and scraped chips onto the plates. Mia looked impressed as I carelessly dumped the plates on the table.

"You know, I was expecting you to quit," Mia said as she cut into the wrap.

"Yeh, well I ain't no quitter, my momma didn't raise none of them."

Mia chuckled and we sat and ate in almost complete silence. We didn't really talk when we were eating, it was more because I was an anti social eater. I preferred to focus on my food and not talk but Mia was well used to me by now.

After dinner we cleared up together and made tea. We settled into the sofa and sat and talked.

"What happened at school today, you never swing by the garage?" I asked deciding the direct approach was the way forward this time.

"Just had a bad day and didn't want to stay in the house by myself."

I shook my head and took a gulp of tea. "I ain't much company. What really happened?" There was a bit of bullshit going on here and I wanted to know what it was.

"Just got a bit of stick about Dom, nothing major."

"Wee shits, arrogant assholes. What did they say about him?"

"Just banged on about him being an asshole cause he hit Linder, nothing too bad. Just irritating."

I nodded in agreement and tried to suppress my rising temper. My eye twitched slightly as I did so I knew Mia would cop on to it but I tried not to let it show.

We sat in an uneasy silence.

"Remember this night a year ago?" Mia asked me.

"All too well."

She sat back. "I honestly thought by now we'd have sold something to keep the house going like the store."

"Yeh so did I."

Mia sighed. "You've done real good Let, I'm really grateful."

"I ain't done anything someone else wouldn't do."

"You did. Cheers."

I chuckled and Mia started into her homework then. We were too conscious of each other's feelings today to actually enjoy talking to each other so it was really hard. I was struggling.

That night as I lay in bed, Mia crawled in beside me. I shook my head and let her invade my space again. I hated saying no to her and I needed to know someone was there for me today. God I found it had to believe that a year ago today I was almost acting like a school girl actually thinking Dom and I had a future. Daydreaming about dates he'd take me on even whilst working in the garage. A year ago today I'd accepted full responsibility for 1327 and that terrified me