Numb Pain

Chapter 4

Another chapter for you all<3 Enjoy it and please vote/comment! We love you!

-------

I slip to my knees and close my eyes, hoping silently that I will be spared, eventually, from the misery he has caused me. My mouth droops at an awkward angle as he thrusts his hands beneath my armpits and pulls me to my feet, burying his head in my neck. I do not object, for if I do, the consequence will only be worse.

Instead, I mutter "Jai, please, I need to work. We need the money. I promise..." I sigh, disbelieving of the words I'm about to say, "I promise I will be yours all night, if you just let me go." With a rough groan, he takes his hand away from my waist and ascends the stairs, turning on the last step.

"You had better keep your promise."

-----------

I get to work twenty minutes late, but keep my head down and stay quiet, willing Ethan not to come over and question me. He does, though yet again he manages to coax smiles and laughs from my ever-aching body. I decline his offer for a lift, as I won't fall for that again, and at the end of the day I walk home shaking more than I ever have before.

-----------

He uses me like a ragdoll, shouting, groaning, trembling with aggression and power. I can do nothing but shrink into it, knowing it will all be over soon. I don't know when and whether it will end, either with my lifeless body or a sweet escape, but the pain will stop. I don't dare to stare into those wild eyes of his, as he continues to relentlessly attack my body. I have become accustomed to the pain of it all, and I no longer feel the instincts to scream and call for help. I lie beneath him, completely numb.

It seems like forever until he has finally finished his assault. He lays a kiss on my collar-bone, his body heaving with the exertion. His skin is slick with sweat as he rolls from me, trying to even his breathing. My own heart pounds, and his head falls to the pillow. I shift my gaze to meet his momentarily and his eyes still linger with lust. It sickens me, and I curl up in the sheets, pulling my knees close to my chest.

-----------

The next morning I wake more damaged than ever before. Bruises and cuts scatter my face and body, though in some miraculous manner, my makeup somehow hides it all. Jai is dead to the world, sleeping heavily in an alcohol induced slumber, and I creep out. At work, everything is as usual - until around an hour after lunch.

Ethan is perched on my desk, mildly amusing me with stories and the off compliment, until I half heartedly reach up to touch my face. In that split second, I'd forgotten the bruises, the scars, and most of all, the thick layer of makeup applied expertly to hide the damage. My fingers touch my skin and I wince, biting my lip to suppress a whimper, but Ethan has already stood up. I look at my fingers, and squint my eyes shut, once I see the pale makeup they have rubbed off. I am uncovered. My mask has been unveiled.

I get up and shade my face with my hands, rushing outside where I know it is deserted. Just as I am a few steps out of my danger zone, I feel a hand close lightly around my arm. I turn around to see Ethan staring at me, his face mingled with what appears to be concern. No, it can't be. Why would it be? I shrink from his touch and shake my head.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I mutter hurriedly. Ethan doesn't buy it. Instead of saying anything, he pushes my sleeve softly up my arm, revealing the deep gashes, scars and purple bruises across the skin.The sparkle in his eyes fade and he looks at me, his expression soft and careful.

"Who would do this to you?" I wince at his question. It is something I've been dreading having to answer. I curse myself for not keeping it a secret, our little secret. It's true what Jai says. I am a stupid little girl. My hands are shaking incredibly now, and I turn away from Ethan. I don't speak, attempting to conjure some sort of false explanation in my head.

Think fast, Ellie. Think fast!

And that's when he draws me into a hug. I am too weak to push him away, too weak to detach myself. I find tears begin to gush down my cheeks - months worth of pent-up frustration and desperation. I rest my head against his chest, sobbing involuntarily as he makes soft hushing noises, his chin lying on the top of my hair. I do not want to break this embrace, as I feel safe and secure within his strong arms. He holds me against his body, yet not in the fierce way that Jai holds me. He is gentle.

"Please don't cry..." He whispers softly, his voice cracking as I crumble against him. My body shakes with each sob, fat tears slipping down my dented face, smearing my makeup. His smell is one of expensive aftershave, and it's heaven to my senses.

-----------

His arms release me after what seems like an eternity, yet it has probably been less than five minutes. I step back, lifting my lashes, which are laden with residue, and stare into his eyes.

"Why are you so kind when you don't even know me?" I choke out, challenging his gaze. His smile is weak and hurt crosses his face.

"Because I haven't got the heart to leave someone who is struggling." He says, yet his reply is almost inaudible. His eyes cast downward, and I instantly feel bad for querying his judgement. Jai's voice appears in my head, controlling me and my self-esteem;

who could love a girl with scars?

-----------

I don't have the courage to head back into work, so Ethan alerts Grace that I will be taking the rest of the day off. Little does he know that going home is worse than suffering the awkward stares across the workplace. Yet it is the only place I can go. My only destination.

I pull out my phone, sliding through the contacts. 'Home'. Tears well in my eyes as I remember mum and dad. How disappointed they were in me going to live with a man like Jai. I should've trusted their judgement. Instead, I'm living with the consequences.

My thumb hovers over the button, and I press it after a moment of hesitation and a deep breath. I steady my voice, biting my lip as I raise the phone to my ear. Please pick up. Please pick up.

Yet all I hear is the answer-phone. Another tear slips down my face. Of course, why would they pick up? Their little girl made her mind up a long time ago.

Ethan hears the dull buzz of the answer-phone as he comes outside to find me again, shaking his head in a mix of sympathy and disgust. He reaches a hand out to take a strand of hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear and I do not object.

"I don't know what goes on where you retreat each night, but I don't feel happy leaving you there today." He takes his thumb and, with a soft touch, brushes the tears from my cheek. "Do you want to go back?" I shudder, blinking back another torrent of tears and resisting the urge to scream with frustration. My voice becomes feeble and quiet.

"I have to...I...He'll find me, Jai, he'll know...I...I must go back..." I tell him about Jai and the unrelenting abuse, even though it is difficult. I have never allowed somebody so close to my heart, apart from Jai. I just hope that I can trust him with this information, that he won't abandon me.

When I look up, Ethan only looks more worried than before.

"I can't believe that someone who is supposed to love you would do this. I won't let you go back to him. I can't do that, Eleanor." He speaks my name like sugar on his tongue, and I push back the glisten of warmth rising in my heart. There must be some sick reason behind his caring. No one cares for a damaged woman. Even so, he seems to be my rainbow in the storm, my only glimmer of getting out alive.

A quiet sob pushes past my lips, and I burble between each breath.

"I have nowhere else to go..." He looks me in the eye, smiles weakly and says:

"You can come back to mine. You don't belong to a monster. You don't belong to anyone."