Numb Pain

Chapter 10

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I shudder at the sight of the house. It holds memories; too many of them. The silence has been worringly prolonged between us, as I cast my eyes to the ground and finally mutter,

"I don't know if I can forgive you Jai." I fumble with my sleeve to reveal the few unhealed marks and scars. "Look at what you've done to me. Some of this won't go away... I love you, I think I love you...But how am I supposed to trust you again?" 

The expression on Jai's face suddenly becomes stern as he approaches me dangerously. He takes my arm, his nails digging harshly into a bruise that lines my flesh, and kisses me on the lips. His violent and rough approach quickly transforms into a soft kiss, though his nails remain digging into the bruise. Although it horrifies me, I kiss him back. This is the boy I love, and for a minute, I believe him. Maybe he can change. Maybe we can learn to love again.

When he pulls away, I am left standing with a shocked expression. I can feel the aggression radiating from him as he once again becomes dominant. He doesn't even seem to realise that he is repeating what he'd vowed not to back in the car. He reaches up to my face and I cower, expecting a hit. Instead, his thumb leaves soft strokes as it circles my cheek, his hand cupping my jawline. His eyes seek into mine, his piercing gaze willing me to look away.

But I don't.

I stand, captivated in his stare. His hand drops from my face and his body relaxes from it's rigid position. My monster is trying to contain his impulsive attitude.

Jai's hand finds it's way into mine, entwining my fingers around his as he leads me back into the house and all of it's horrors. I glance back at the car, the red truck that Jai had never let me drive incase I ruined it, and summon the courage to let him lead me upstairs. Little does he know about the little life that I am nurturing. 

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He is gentle with me, a shadow of his early brutal, dictatorial ways. He makes love to me in a way I am not familiar with. Like back when we were still young and fresh into the romance. However, I do not push my luck. I know that if I make a wrong move or look at him the wrong way, he will change back to his cruel self and it will once again be all my fault.

When he is finished with me, he falls back onto the bed, snaking an arm around my waist as he draws near to my body. He leaves featherlight kisses along my left shoulder and I melt beneath him. His husky voice addresses me in a whisper.

"I love you Ellie-bear..." comes his silky yet masculine tone. And for once, I frighten myself by pressing my forehead to his and kissing the tip of his nose. All thoughts of Ethan vacate my mind as I whisper,

"I love you too Jai-Jai."

~~~~~

I awake from my slumber as the doorbell rings. It is uncommon for people to visit us, and so I lie still, listening to the light breaths of Jai's snoozing as they tickle my back. I hear the dull ringing of the bell again and decide that this is, in fact, reality. I remove Jai's muscular arm from around me, careful not to wake him, and put on my dressing gown. I tumble down the stairs in an effort to greet the visitor. A shadow is cast over the door's frosted glass as I open it.

Standing there, with his back to the door, is Ethan.

He turns around, catching me in an embrace as he smiles into my hair. I breathe in his scent. Oh, how I've missed you...