Stay • Everlark (REVAMPING)

5. love, annie

Katniss
Leave it to me to make things awkward. I walked up to Peeta and hug him, now I look like I'm crazy. I reluctantly let go of Peeta's embrace and awkwardly stare at him with more longing than I intend. The only thing I can mutter is "See you." whilst I smile at him awkwardly as I hobble hopelessly into my house.

I've just made myself look like an idiot. Now that I know he's back, I feel so much better knowing Peeta is staying exactly a house away from me. This has to be the best I've felt in all the time I've been back in 12. It's a mixture of relief, happiness and exhaustion. I should probably get to bed. It's only around 12pm. I'm so tired, I could sleep on a hovercraft and that's not pleasant. I used so much energy today and it's the most I've done in a day since my Capitol days, but it's a start. So I sweep my hair into a fresh braid and head for my room which feels like miles away.

When I'm halfway up the stairs, I hear a loud, exaggerated knock at the door. Who is that? Nobody comes in my house without barging in. I open the door to find a single letter on the doorstep. Most of my letters are sent through Haymitch, why is this one here? The front of the letter is addressed to me, my name in big cursive letters, 'Katniss Everdeen'. Something compels me to open the letter rather than to leave it on the table like the rest.
It reads:

Dear Katniss ,
This letter may come as a shock to you, and after months of contemplating whether to write it, here I am. I want to let you know that I'm okay and so is my son, Finn. News of Finnick's death reached me just as I found out that I was 3 months pregnant. I miss Finnick and my heart aches for him, but I know I have to keep living, not for me but for him. My son. I'd love for you to meet him in the future, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between him and Finnick. He looks exactly like his Father, and acts like it too; his crooked grin remind me that no matter how much we have lost, we can't take these lives for granted. As well as Finnick, I also heard about your sister. I'm so sorry, Katniss. Please remember if you ever need someone, I'm only a phone call away. I'd love to catch up with you. It's been too long.

I still don't know what comes in the future, but I hope I can see you again and you can meet my little troublemaker. I've told him all about you. Tell Peeta I wish him all the best. I hope you both are well.

Love,
Annie.

As soon as the words register through my head. I drop the letter and fall to my knees. Annie has a son. Without Finnick here to see him. He never even knew, and it's my fault. He'll miss out on a life he helped create, because of me. I've left Annie a widow and little Finn fatherless.

Reading it gives me a wave of pain that's so fresh. The guilt hangs on my chest like an anvil as I sob into the stairwell. And Prim. She loves children, she'd be so happy to hear the news and would insist we go and see them straight away. I've been so ignorant living in my own bubble whilst Annie has lost so much and pregnant too, Peeta has lost his all of his family and didn't get to see them one more time. They don't have anyone and I haven't even bothered to reach out. They've all had so much taken away at the hands of my ignorance.

I run upstairs but I trip on the last step. Pain surges through me and immediately I know I've done some damage, it feels like I've broken my ankle like last year. It makes me want to cry, scream and throw up all at once. I make a new sort of noise that's a combination of singing and crying and burst into my room, throwing myself on the bed.

As a result from the pain from my ankle and the guilt building up, I start pulling my hair, hyperventilating and gagging which causes me to start heavily choking. I can't breathe. I need air. I need help, this isn't a normal panic attack. I'm so stressed I'm truly making myself ill.

I look through the window to find Peeta sketching at this desk peacefully. The sight calms me slightly, however it's little reassurance. Not knowing what else to do, I sprint/ limp down the stairs to the front door and collapse outside. The adrenaline alone is enough to force myself to crawl towards Peeta's door.

I bang on the door with the rest of my energy to hope that he hears me. A pang of guilt hits my stomach as a hear quickening footsteps make their way down his stairs. This isn't his battle to fight, but I've already done the damage. He's coming.

Before I know it, I'm worse than I was before. My skin on my wrists is red and blooded from me digging my nails into it and my ankle is throbbing up like a balloon whilst I'm slipping in and out of consciousness. My energy is fading and my eyesight is blurred and heavy.

Peeta opens the door and looks side to side to see who it is.

"Peeta..." I manage to squeak.

"Hey. It's okay, I'm here, my god, Katniss!" He stammers. "What happened to you?!"

I squint at him to make sure he's real and not the 3 other Peeta's I see around him.

With all my strength, I put my hand to his cheek and stroke it lightly .

He pulls me into his lap and lifts me up from the concrete delicately.

'I'm sorry, Peeta." I manage to get out before my throat is closing up and everything goes black.
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I haven't updated in just over a year, but I realised that I wanted to get writing again. So this is where I'm going to start.