Stay • Everlark (REVAMPING)

7. good again

Six months later...

Peeta:
After the ordeal, Katniss begins to come back to life. Over the last few months we've grown back together and I find myself drifting over to her house to spent more and more time with her. We've talked about us in romantic way a few times, and when she's ready, we'll consider it. But for now I'm happy with what we are. Friends.

Katniss went to the hospital that's been built in the district after about a week of limping and "No, I'm okays." Turns out she's broken her ankle and has now resorted to having to walk on crutches. As for her mentally, she's been okay. Nightmare after nightmare. I try to be there as much as I can for when she wakes up screaming about crazy mutts and lost children. No matter how many times I suggest the idea, she'll never let me stay the night.

As for me? I'm getting there. I haven't had a flashback since I came home from the Capitol because of the strong medication I'm taking, but it'll happen eventually and I'm definitely not looking forward to it. Everything hasn't really caught up to me. I suppose being hijacked numbs everything else but the possibility of you murdering the person you love. But until it does catch up to me, I'm just taking each day as it comes. All in all, I'm doing okay.

Today is one of those days where I find myself walking over to Katniss's house for no reason other than I want her company. I'm over there most days; I'm more or less living there. Katniss is stood outside, leaning against the railing in front of her house staring into the distant mountains. She does this a lot. Her hair has been braided back and she's wearing a blue sleeveless shirt with black jeans and her fathers hunting jacket slung over her shoulders.

"Hey!" I call over from the path, hoping to break Katniss out of her daze.

She jumps, looks over at me and gives a stern but playful glare. "Peeta! How many time have I told you to stop doing that!" She complains. "If I could move without these stupid crutches you'd be in for it."

"Okay Girl on Fire, try me." I gloat back, teasing. "Show me what
you've got."

"Be quiet. I can't move and you know it." Katniss says, suppressing a smile.

"Maybe I can help with that." I reply, knowing immediately what to do.

Moments like this make it seem like everything will be okay, that there'll be no more pain; and in the future maybe Katniss and I have a chance, a real chance at a happy ending.

I hobble over to Katniss and scoop her up over my shoulder.

"Son of a bitch! Peeta, put me down! I swear I'll- I don't know what I'll do but I'll do something." She shouts, attempting to thrash around.

"Okay! Sorry, sorry. I'd rather not have a black eye." I laugh. I know she would never hurt me, but I pretend to believe the empty threats nevertheless.

I put Katniss down onto the bench behind her railing and sit down beside her. I've realised that today must be something important, because Katniss' silver eyes have been clouded over since I got here.

I sit down next to her and look her dead in the eye.

"Is the something that I don't know about that's happened? I'm sorry if it's something important I've forgotten."

Katniss glances up at me for a second, but she won't meet my eyes.

"No. Don't apologise." She smiles softly, but this time it was different, her face smiled but her eyes didn't. "It's been a year since Prim died. I haven't been as upset as I thought I would be, I feel like I should feel something. But there's nothing there. I feel like I've been selfish for enjoying myself without her."

I can't believe I forgot. "I'm sorry I didn't remember. But feeling numb is okay. It means that you're healing and living a life that she would want you to have. You haven't let her down. Prim would be so proud of the person you've grown to be. Feeling like that is normal, it means that no matter our losses, we can still be good again." I whisper calmly.

"Thank you, Peeta. I don't know what I'd do without you. I know she's watching us, I see her in everything." Katniss sighs. "I just wish I could see her one more time. Tell her how I'm okay and she doesn't need to worry and whatever."

I pull Katniss' limp body into my arms and she buries her face into my shoulder. It's the most intimate thing we've done in the six months we've been close again. But in right now it doesn't matter. We both need this. The effect of safety someone's arms can have is scarily powerful. I've missed this.
***

I wake up with Katniss' head on my shoulder and my arm around her waist. We must've fell asleep in the peacefulness because it's definitely late afternoon and Haymitch is feeding the geese in his back yard.

Katniss is still asleep, so as much as I want to stay, I gently move my arm from under her and pick her up off the bench. I open her front door and move her onto her soft blue couch. Her face looks angelic in the light of the sun, peaceful. I grab a blanket from the side of the couch and drape it over her lower body, kiss her forehead and quietly shut the door behind me.

When I get over to Haymitch's house, he's trying but failing to feed the geese that surround his house. I'm guessing he's doing this because of the lack of alcohol or just pure boredom, but I suppose it's something of a distraction for him.

"I see you've ran out of alcohol?" I retort. I've never been as nice to Haymitch as I am to most others, I think my sappy attitude bewilders him a bit. I suppose that's why he prefers Katniss over me because they're so similar, but I know he does care and so do I.

"I see someone's feeling peachy this afternoon," Haymitch replies "You've obviously left your manners in the Capitol, what you doing here?"

"I needed something to do. Katniss is asleep on the couch and I don't feel like going to my house." I answer, covering my nose to repel the foul smell of his yard.

"Oh yes, the star-crossed lovers of District 12 are back in business." He says, mimicking Effie's Capitol accent. "I thought Katniss wouldn't confront her issues for a while. But I guess she grew some balls." Haymitch snorts.

"What's that supposed to mean?"  I ask. "She doesn't see me in that way and you know how I feel about her, it's not going to happen."

Haymitch looks at me and rolls his eyes. "Are you serious, boy? That girl is in deep. You've should have seen her before you came along, she was killing herself. Now look at her, she's prancing around like a peacock."

"Haymitch, I'm around her all the time. I'm sure I would have noticed if she had feelings for me." I reply. His words to make a little bit of sense, but they can't be true.

"Shut up, will you? Sweetheart was here the other night at three in the morning ranting and raving about feeling this and that and whatever. Don't tell her I told you any of this, she'll be here ready to stab me with her crutches and I can't deal with that. Since I'm trying to stay off the liquor and whatnot"

I stare at him blankly. Haymitch doesn't lie to me. "That's great! I'll be here if you need me or anything and don't worry, I won't tell her. I need to get some air, it was nice seeing you."

"But you're already outside, boy." He calls back to me.

"Bye, Haymitch!" I shout sarcastically, ignoring his comment.

Before he can say another word, I'm out of the disgusting house and trying to figure out what Haymitch told me. It's all catching up to me now, Katniss, Haymitch, the Games, the rebellion, being tortured. I'm going to have a panic attack. I start to fiddle with my fingers to focus but it doesn't work, instead I feel my knees come from under me and everything turns black.