I'm sad. Please help me. (A Joshler online/texting fic) ✔️

43: The worst mistake is your biggest wish

Another chapter! Here we go again <3

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"Arguing is scary". Tyler whispered. "Yeah it is", Josh replied as he pressed a kiss on Tyler's forehead.

"Proud of you", he said. "Why?" Tyler asked. "'Cause you're gonna try", Josh said. "And I've never heard you say 'okay' when I asked you not to leave me", Josh whispered.

Tyler bit his lip. "I'm not sure if I'll succeed but I really wanna try", Tyler whispered. "I never really wanted to. I just saw it as something I had to do because it looked like that was what I was supposed to do but... I didn't... Want it. But... You're- you're right, I... I don't want to let them win they can't win right?" Tyler asked. "They can't", Josh confirmed.

"It's not that all of a sudden I don't want to die anymore", Tyler said. Josh nodded. "I just... I don't want to give them that pleasure of knowing that they succeeded. That they killed me", Tyler whispered.

Josh hugged Tyler tightly.

"You know that everything I do and say to you is because I love you so much, right? That I'm not doing this to annoy you or bother you or make you sad or unhappy, right?" Josh asked. "I just want you to be here so you can see that it will get better. I want to keep you from making the biggest mistake of your life", Josh said.

"Can the biggest mistake of my life be my biggest dream at the same time?" Tyler softly asked.

"Yes, a hundred percent yes", Josh said. "It's like... Wanting to rob a bank because you want to be rich, but getting caught and ending up in jail. Or... Selling your house to travel around the world but running out of money and ending up living on the streets in a foreign country", Josh said. "Or dropping out of school because you want to start working but then never being able to make more money because you didn't study for your dream job like you were planning on but decided not to. So... Wanting to end your life because you think it'll never get better and then it turns out it will get better but you already decided to take you own life and you're not here to experience life being better... That's the same", Josh said.

Tyler was silent.

"...Y'know, that actually made sense", he said. Josh let out a soft, relieved laugh. "Good, 'cause I was afraid I couldn't come up with good examples", he said. Tyler smiled. "You did", he replied.

They just lay there for a while, before Josh remembered something.

"Hey love?" He asked. "Mhm?" Tyler hummed as reply. "I think we should also talk about what you've told me", Josh said. "About what?" Tyler asked. "About the cocaine thing", he said as he gave Tyler a tight hug.

"Oh", Tyler just softly replied.

"D'you still have your dealer's phone num-", he started.

"No", Tyler cut him off immediately. Josh sighed softly. "Don't lie to me, baby", he gently warned. "I'm not", Tyler said. "You are, love", Josh replied.

"... I-I'm sorry", Tyler stuttered. "I forgive you, love. Give me your phone", Josh said. Tyler refused to at first, and it took Josh almost ten minutes of convincing, before Tyler finally passed Josh his phone. It took him another three minutes to get the new password out of Tyler, which he didn't want to give him, but eventually he did and Josh could unlock his phone.

Josh scrolled through the handful of contacts that were in Tyler's phone:

Josh, Ashley, McKenna, momma and papa Joseph, Zack, the Joseph's house, momma Dun, his doctor and Tyler's old psychiatrist.