Damned If I Do *Matt Murdock* (book one of Damned)

1) Home, keep hold on my heart (when I try to run away)

It started with a break-up.

And really, her reason to run could not be more cliché. Running was something she was good at – not the physical exercise, god no, she hated it – but running away from her problems. Escaping to other worlds – books, TV series, intense music... but this time, she needed a change. A fundamental one.

Dying her hair was necessary – she would have her hair cut, because she was wearing it too long for what felt like an eternity, but she couldn't make herself to do it. This way it was pretty much maintenance-free and she liked that. So dying it black it was.

Quitting med school was a hard choice – she made it this far after all, two years of her life would come to nothing. Nevertheless, her doubts about her choice of career hadn't disappear like she had been hoping to. Being a doctor didn't suit her. It wasn't her dream. She wasn't sure what was, but the idea of someone's life in her hands terrified her, which probably wasn't a desired feature of a medical practitioner. On top of that, her being a doctor was his dream, after he had failed his own med studies and had chosen career of a financial manager instead. Seriously, why had she even listened to him? Being able to help people was a noble goal, no doubt, however the idea of being a bad doctor felt worse than not being a doctor at all. So quitting it was.

She loved her hometown and family, she really did. Unlike her best friend, who couldn't wait escaping the boredom of the small town and the family ties that bind, she hadn't been very happy to leave for college and she had been coming back as often as possible despite the fact that it also meant spending weekends – the rare time they actually could have been together with her boyfriend in Prague alone – with her family and not with the man she had thought might once become her partner for life. She preferred the quiet of the edge of the town to the city noise and it's traffic lights, the thousands of people, the rush, the constant pulsing. She liked the anonymity though (she had once cried into her phone after she had failed an exam while being on tram - no one had dared to stare or comment for that matter), which was most likely the reason she jumped the opportunity when it opened right in front of her.

---

She was sitting under the parasol to protect her sensitive skin from the midday sunrays, slightly lost in thoughts. She felt bad for not listening to the conversation of her friends. Last time she checked, they were discussing the hotness of some actor she didn't know, so it was alright to zone out a little. Or so she thought.

"Verčo!"

She shook her head and turn towards Marky's voice. Marky was staring at her with one eyebrow raised and an expectant look. Had she asked her something? Kruci.

"Sorry. What did you say?" she smiled innocently trying not to feel too guilty.

After all, her heartbreak wasn't the only reason they came to Anna's family cabin. It played a huge part in that decision for sure, but throwing her a pity party wasn't the only reason. They hadn't seen each other in ages and this was an excuse as good as any.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Ehm..."

"Oh, come on!" Jitka exclaimed and threw her hand in the air to make the phrase even more theatrical. "Not even the slightest idea? Are you gonna try another college? Or take a break and return to college then? Or-"

"I am not drunk enough for this," she interrupted her rudely.

Marky snorted into her juice.

"Well, a) it's only midday, it would be kinda sad if you were, I should know. And b) you are never drunk," remarked Anna and she couldn't say a word to disprove.

"Might be the root of the trouble," she sighed and grabbed her non-alcoholic drink. With a super-long curled blue straw. Because fancy. "I need the change of environment. And I don't mean coming here – you're great and everything, but it's temporary. Short-term. I am not saying I want to disappear and never come back, but..."

Marky and Anna just hummed in sympathy. Jitka didn't react. However, she would understand the best. She didn't go through a bad break-up, no. But the moment she had finished high school, she had packed her briefcase and she had headed to US to visit her aunt. For a year. So, yeah. She would understand the best.

"My aunt has a new apartment," Jitka announced as if she read her thoughts. "Well, kinda."

"And?" Verča felt like there was a point coming. She wouldn't get her hopes up – the statement could mean anything – for all she knew, it could be a result of the stream of her consciousness.

"In New York. It's in an area which was ruined during some terrorist attack a while ago. Low price, she claims it was a good buy, 'cause the price will raise-"

"But you were in California...?" Marky asked almost shyly, obviously feeling she missed something important. Huh. Verča was confused herself.

"Oh, yeah. Don't ask me. She apparently has a friend in NY who would take care of it for a fair share." Jitka pretended to be interested in her nails, but the corners of her lips were twitching.

Verča still couldn't let herself hope that Jitka was suggesting what she thought she was suggesting. Right?

Things happen the way they are meant to happen, that was her policy and all that, but surely she wouldn't be so lucky.

"Jííííťo?" Verča drew her name suggestively and her friend cracked a smile.

"I'll ask."

"You're the best."

---

And suddenly she was sitting on a plane trying to survive an agonizingly long flight.

Well, not suddenly. Obviously. It had taken like twenty calls to Jitka's aunt to persuade her that Verča was a decent trustworthy person, almost too much effort to explain her own parents that this was exactly what she needed, thousands of promises she would call regularly ("Are you for real, mum? I'm gonna miss you all too, you know? Sakra! Now I'm crying again! Stop crying, mum!") and then there had been fighting the city hall. Verča hadn't understood shit about visa, insurance and all these contracts Jitka's aunt had sent her because of the flat, but it had kinda helped that she spoke Czech so they could talk like normal people. Verča's English wasn't bad – she was able to communicate at some level, pretty good actually, she was heading to the USA, for god's sake – but she didn't speak bureaucrat.

It took effort. Sure. But it was worth it, nonetheless. She was sitting at the window and all she could see was the blue of the Atlantic Ocean. She was scared – she had never been so far from her home, alone on top of that. She was terrified. And she was also almost vibrating with excitement. A whole year of new experiences was sprawled in front of her and the one and only thing she desired was safe and early landing, since her old mp3 player was dead and she couldn't let the same happen to her phone for the need of some more music.

She leaned into her seat, folded her glasses (and really, wearing contacts during a long flight would be a bitch, especially since she knew she would doze off) into its case and closed her eyes. One deep breath.

I'm ready.

Oh, if she only knew...

---- Notes:

    Title from Rhodes - Home