1962 ── lily evans

EIGHTEEN

EIGHTEEN

LENNON SUNK into the couch as the boys talked animatedly around her, her absent mind drifting elsewhere. It was dangerous for her not to be invested in active conversation these days, as that was when she found herself thinking of Lily, as if she were some sort of default switch in her brain.

"I'll go stick the kettle on," Remus said, and then, snapping Lennon out of her trance, he stopped beside her seat on the sofa. "Tea, Len? Pete'll be here any minute."

"Please. You need some help?" she asked politely, searching for a distraction.

She forced the imitation of a smile onto her face as she moved to rise from the couch, but Remus shook his head graciously, insisting he could handle making four cups of tea by himself. She watched him disappear into the cramped kitchen, mumbling something about sugar under his breath.

Sirius sunk down onto the couch beside her, wrapping a friendly arm around her shoulder as he relaxed into the worn fabric. She rolled her eyes, nudging his arm away from her shoulder and onto his lap again. Then, perfectly on time for tea, the doorbell rang, reverberating around the flat, and Peter entered following Sirius' yell of "the door's open, Pete!"

Peter slammed the door behind him, appearing heavy with excitement as he rushed into the lounge. Remus re-entered moments later, cautiously balancing a tray on which four mugs filled to the brim with tea were precariously balancing. 

"You're late, y'know. What took you so long? Pulling birds as usual?" Sirius teased, stealing two mugs from Remus' tray before collapsing back into his seat, passing a cup to Lennon who thanked him quietly.

"I was off getting chat from James. You'll want to hear this one, lads."

A smug grin had laced itself across Peter's lips as he flung himself into the opposite armchair, settling in as if he were in his own home. Lennon fit in seamlessly, almost as if she weren't there as Peter addressed the boys.

"Oh? What now? Another rally or something?" Remus suggested, eyes trained to Peter over the rim of his teacup. The mention of another rally sent an uncomfortable shiver down Lennon's spine, and she shifted awkwardly in her seat. No-one seemed to notice due to the anticipation that had settled in as they awaited Peter's news. 

"Better. It's about shagging Lily." Peter laughed, shaking his head as he spread the news to his mates.

"We know they've done it, Peter, what's new about that?" Sirius asked dismissively, instinct fuelling him to squeeze Lennon's knee in hopes of comforting her without being too obvious to Peter, who was in the dark about Lennon's crush on her ginger friend.

"He said she finally let him do it without a johnny and it was definitely better, according to him. Then again..." Peter continued on, spilling the graphic details of James and Lily's latest intimate encounter to the trio who sat in disgust at the trivial gossip.

Lennon gulped down her tea rapidly, searching for an excuse to escape the graphic stories of the couple's less than romantic sex life. Lifting herself from the couch, she ambled towards the kitchen, passing off an excuse about making another cup of tea - it was a stupid excuse, and she knew none of them would believe it for a second. As she passed through to the kitchen, she heard Peter's failed attempt at a joke: "who's pissed in her cornflakes, eh?"

"She's just tired, Pete," Remus covered quickly, eyes following Lennon as she hurried through the kitchen door. "Besides, she probably doesn't want to hear about... that from anyone other than Lily."

"Maybe she's jealous of all the action Lily's getting," Peter mused, a sly smirk settling on his lips as he conjured a plan of action in his mind. "I'm pretty sure I could sort that right out for her, though."

"I don't know about that. You're never meant to get with your friends, y'know," Sirius quickly interjected, hoping the speed of his reply wasn't suspicious.

"Well it works for you two. Besides, it's different for girls and boys, innit? You never deny a man of a good shag, friends or not."

Sirius and Remus simultaneously rolled their eyes, waving Peter off with forced chuckles at his ridiculous statement. They knew all too well what he was like, and Lennon was the last person they'd want to leave alone in his company. Peter seemed unfazed, and took a long, slow sip from his tea, grimacing as the liquid spread across his tongue.

"You got any whisky for this tea or am I going to have to buy my own?" Peter questioned, and the two others breathed a sigh of relief in thanks for the change in subject.

In the kitchen, Lennon had neglected her chipped, yellow mug in the sink. She sunk back against the counter, barely holding herself up by her elbows as her mind returned to its default setting: Lily. She could still hear the loud, obnoxious drone of Peter's voice in her head, echoing around in circles.

Peter. The bearer of the worst news Lennon had heard in her life. She couldn't push the image from her head if she tried, and instead, she gave way to the scarring thought of James and Lily that made her start to feel nauseous.

She had never known heartbreak. Not when Fabian Prewett told her she was a "shit kisser" at fifteen. Not when she was separated from the boy she spent endless days with on the beach at the end of her holidays to Brighton. Not even when Frank Longbottom had broken up with her for their friend Alice in Year Nine. No, heartbreak was a foreign feeling to Lennon. At least, not until then.

It was only at seventeen that Lennon Lowe felt heartbreak for the first time in her life. How fragile and naïve of her to even consider the idea of being with Lily, the girl so flawless that it was impossible for anyone to compare. Lily was slipping away from her, and like an echo into the dark, her yearning would edge by without a trace.