1962 ── lily evans

TWENTY

TWENTY

RAIN SHUDDERED down around Lennon's feet as she dashed towards Lily's house in a desperate search for shelter. The ginger, who she had seen last a week ago, had urgently demanded to see her, and Lennon couldn't find a single reason to deny her request. In fact, she was giddy with excitement at the idea of seeing her friend.

Arriving on the front doorstep, Lennon knocked loudly, and was greeted with delight by Mrs Evans, who made her usual passing remark about having 'not seen you in ages, Lennon!' Lennon laughed it off, sliding past the older woman as she kicked her shoes aside and darted upstairs, just like she always had in months past.

She hurtled straight into Lily's room, the door swinging wide open as she shot her friend a toothy grin upon entry. However, the smile soon slid from Lennon's face when she saw the ginger's tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

"Oh my God, Lily. Are you okay?" Lennon exclaimed, dashing over and moving onto the bed beside her friend.

Lily buried her head in the brunette's shoulder, harsh sobs ripping from the back of her throat as she soaked Lennon's already rain-sodden shirt with her ever-flowing tears. Shocked and confused, Lennon wrapped her arms around the smaller girl, brows furrowed together in a state of perplexity.

"Lily? What's happened? Tell me," she insisted, soft words barely audible over the other girl's sobs, which ricocheted around the room. Lennon was glad she'd shut the door on her way in, otherwise she was certain the whole house would have heard them.

Tears dripped down her ghostly skin, a rainstorm much like the drops that pelted against the window beside Lily's bed. Lennon's mind began to wander, greatly perturbed at the possibilities of what could have feasibly happened. Had James died? Was Lily herself dying? She was certain her mind had jumped to the furthest possible conclusion, but Lily's reaction was almost enough to warrant it - Lennon had never seen her so distraught.

"Lily! Tell me!" Lennon's abrupt exclamation was enough to force Lily into choking back her cries, and the brunette held her friend at arms length, peering into her bloodshot eyes cautiously.

"Lennon... I'm pregnant," she mumbled, and suddenly her tears overcame her again as Lennon attempted to process the news.

Pregnant? Lily? God, she was basically a child herself, so how was she meant to raise a kid? Did James know? Lennon felt like crying herself, and she blinked back the tears that pricked at her eyes. Selfishly, thoughtlessly, Lennon willed this to be a joke, yet she was sure that Lily wasn't this skilled an actress.

She thought back to each relentless night she stayed awake, dreaming blindly of the ginger and wondering if she was thinking of her too. Of course, that was a fantasy, but she always had the slightest glimmer of hope that it could be true, that she and Lily could be together. Now she knew that would never be the case, and any chance of their relationship blossoming into anything more had been snuffed out like a candle.

Lily stared on at her friend, who had always been her rock in troubling times. Desperate for advice, she begged for Lennon's help, but each cry was met with the absolute silence of her friend's blank expression. Undeniably, the news had left her speechless and the lack of support Lennon was offering did not help to encourage Lily or soothe her in the slightest.

"Lennon? Lennon? What the fuck do I do?" Lily demanded, her fingernails digging into her friend's shoulders as she attempted to shake her from her trance.

Unthinking, Lennon felt tears dribble down her cheeks as Lily's words echoed around her. She had longed so deeply for Lily's love, for the feeling of her fingers entwined with her own. She'd prayed each night, knowing it was wrong to desire someone so greedily, and yet it seemed she'd been damned, her only wish tilted on its head in some sick sort of joke.

"Lennon! Why are you crying? I'm the one having a fucking baby! Say something!" 

Lily's demands were becoming delirious, as if anymore of the surrounding silence would drive her insane.

"Lily, I... I love you." 

The words slipped out before she could stop herself, and she watched helplessly as Lily's face, full of despair, morphed into an expression of pure anger and confusion.

The words slipped out before she could stop herself. She watched wistfully as Lily's face, ragged with despair, morphed into an expression of suspicious confusion. It was as if that had been enough to stem the steady flow of her tears, and the ginger opened her mouth cautiously, testing the words on her tongue. 

"I know, Lennon. I love you too," Lily said, eyebrows knitted together. "What do you mean?"

"No, Lily," Lennon began again, deciding to let the words flow out like vomit. "I love you."

"You... You what? Love me? Are you a fag, Lennon?" 

Lily stumbled off of the bed, distancing herself from Lennon immediately, as if being near her would cause her to contract some lethal disease. 

"Lily, please, listen-" 

Words - absolute nonsense, even - tumbled from her lips as she tried to reason with the ginger, red hot tears dripping down her cheeks. Her heart seemed to have collapsed in on itself, and she was struggling to breathe as Lily's face contorted into that of complete disgust.

"What the fuck, Lennon! Get away from me, you queer!" Lily spat at her furiously, words jagged as they plunged viciously into Lennon's gut.

"Lily, it's not like that, please-" 

Lennon could feel how weak her argument was, and yet she persisted, adamant that she could change Lily's mind - that this was all a terrible nightmare she'd conjured up herself.

"Get out of my house. Now." Lily's words had fallen to a whisper, and yet the words rang in Lennon's ears like sirens.

Quietly, Lennon removed herself from the bed. She allowed herself one last glance at her former best friend before she wrenched the door open, hurrying down the stairs and out of the house rapidly. The rain still thundered down overheard, and she spared a final glance at Lily's window, letting raindrops mingle with the salty tears that dribbled down her face. 

Lennon bolted along the road to her house - her real house. Bustling through the door and almost ripping it from its hinges, she ignored her mother's screams and hurtled upstairs instead. She packed her bag, tugging all of her belongings from their drawers and hangers as her mother hurled abuse onto deaf ears. She didn't care. This wasn't her home, not really. Satisfied she'd tied up her loose ends, she exited the house, refusing a response to her mother's cold words as she disappeared into the night. There was one destination on her mind, the only place she could truly consider home.

This moment, one she would remember for her entire life, was bittersweet. While she stepped away, heartbroken and drained, she was almost glad to have seen the last of Lily. Their relationship had ended with a sonic boom, an everlasting argument that had torn the void in their life past repair. And yet, the grief would fade, and Lennon was sure that somehow, impossibly, she'd become a stronger person for it some day. Until then, all she could do was wait for that day to arrive.