The Malec Chronicles

A Failed Attempt at Moving On

This was Izzy's idea, as all bad things are.

It was Izzy's idea for him to go to this gay bar that he had never even heard of before, the one packed with people and the flashing lights and blasting mundane music he would never listen to. she had suggested it last week, during a conversation that involved phrases like putting yourself back out there and stop moping and what you need is a one night stand so good you forget Magnus' name. He had told her she was being ridiculous, but then he spent all of Friday afternoon staring down at a phone and rereading texts from Magnus that he hadn't been able to make himself delete, and decided that it's not like he could get any more pathetic, so he swallowed his pride and went to ask Izzy what one should wear to a gay club.

Which is how he ends up here, getting drunk off of drinks that this man keeps buying him, head spinning and room lurching in time with the music, the noise so great that this guy has to lean in to tell his jokes that aren't even funny (magnus was funny, his brain supplied helpfully), the smell of whatever alcohol he just drank still clinging to his breath. Alec wants to tell him to stop, that he doesn't like him, that he doesn't want his hand crawling up his thigh and that he was just here to forget his problems, but doesn't, because he's so unbelievably drunk and is having trouble remembering anything at all with much coherency.

Except for Magnus. That whole fiasco he seems to remember with an astounding amount of clarity, which is just unfair.

"Come on," The guy was saying, and he was- was he kissing him? He's doing something, but Alec isn't paying attention to that, he's just pushing him off and trying to remember the polite way to turn someone down, the same set of words he would use for every girl that would set her sights on him. "Let's get out of here, Alex."

Alec, he wants to say, but the room was loud and they've both had a few drinks, so the mistake was understandable. But he still doesn't want to leave (well, he wants to leave, but not with him) so he pushes the guy whose name he doesn't know away from him and squints against the lights in an effort to clear his head. "No," He says, and the guys' face goes slack for a second before breaking into a smile again, like he thought this whole thing was a joke. "Rather not."

"What do you mean no?" The guy says, this mundane guy who was actually rather muscular and could probably beat him up in his current state if he wanted, shadowhunter or not, and what was Alec thinking-,

"I think it's pretty clear what he meant," Said someone to Alec's left, someone's whose voice was so intimately familiar that Alec could not help the sigh of relief or the way the tension that went out of his shoulders, Magnus working his way in between Alec and the guy who alec doesn't really know. "It means he doesn't want to go home with you."

"Why don't you let him speak for himself?" The other guy says, and the bartender is watching him warily now, but Magnus just smiles and his fingers spark and he quirks an eye brow in a way that makes the guy think better of it, roll his eyes and leave his seat and abandon his drink, which Magnus takes and knocks back without a wince. Which was impressive, because Alec is pretty sure it was some pretty strong stuff and the guy had only been drinking it as a misguided attempt to impress Alec.

"Alexander," Magnus says, his voice soft and sweet and somehow louder than the music, his hand coming to cup Alec's cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"Izzy." Alec says, and that is explanation enough, but he keeps talking. "Wanted to get over you. She said to come here and find someone knew. And I tried, I just," He pulls on his hair, suddenly feeling much more sober, something he doesn't think would have happened if Magnus had not been a warlock. "the only person I ever think about is you."

"Alec.." Magnus says, and Alec can see it in his eyes, that he loves him and he wants this but he can't let himself have it because of the things that Alec had done, because of the kind of person he is. "It's okay to want something else."

"But I don't want it. I tried to want it." He waved a hand at the scene behind him, and Magnus' mouth twitched, probably at the absurdity of the suggestion that Alec might find someone he was compatible with here. "And the only thing I want it you."

Magnus stares at him, and then he's lunging forward, and the two of them are kissing. It's the first thing that has made Alec feel okay since this whole fiasco started, so he takes what he can get without wondering if maybe this is a bad idea, pulling him closer, tugging at his clothes, ignoring the cat calls that are going up from those nearest him. But then Magnus breaks apart, ruining this wonderful thing, and it is always Magnus who pulls apart and calls it quits now. "We can't, darling. We can't keep doing this to each other." His eyes are sad. "I called Jace somewhere around your eighth drink. He should be here soon." Magnus pulls away, slides off the bar stool and disappears into the crowd, leaving Alec staring after him with a mixture of anger and regret.

By the time Jace gets there, Alec is mostly sober, leaning against the brick wall outside, working at rereading the same texts he's read a million times before, trying to shake the feeling that Magnus is still there, watching him. "Dude." Jace says, shaking the hair out of his eyes. He's soaking wet, because its raining, something Alec hadn't noticed seeing him. "What are you doing here?"

Alec thinks of the lights and the noise and the crush of people, of all the drinks that burned going down and the men who were taking without asking, of Magnus appearing and disappearing, all of it with the hazy quality of a dream that you can't quite remember upon waking. "I don't know," He says, and he thinks that this is the most truthful thing he's said since the break up. "I really don't know."