Ruin and Revival

Chapter 28: Shattered

COLE

"Cole?" I turn my head as Kamilia finishes her story. That voice. Could it be?

"Arika?" I don't believe my eyes as I see the girl I had fallen in love with two years ago. Now, that feeling is a mere memory. She rushes towards me as I stand there, stricken with disbelief. Upon closer inspection, I see how much she had blossomed from that lost highschooler into a young woman with purpose. She looks healthier, less dehydrated and behind the mud, that wavy hair I remembered is longer and thicker. A nasty bruise covers one side of her face but other than that, she looks unscathed.

"I need to talk to you, alone," is all she says before beckoning me to follow. I trudge awkwardly behind her, Kamilia giving me an unreadable glance before nodding. We walk for a good ten minutes until we are out in the middle of the desert, no one within earshot of us.

I could feel this new, invisible wall between us, the result of spending a year apart. We had each suffered so much and changed into someone else, someone more mature. Those high school years are far behind us, war warping us into the soldiers we are today. And it makes me unbearably sad thinking about that happy life Arika and I could have led. A peaceful one, where I didn't feel like my mind was going to consume me at any second, where I didn't have to rely so heavily on Kamilia just to hold onto that last thread of sanity. Arika's eyes were a reflection of my own.

"It's different now, isn't it," Why does she sound so heartbroken?

"I never went a day without thinking of you," I say, knowing it was mostly the truth.

"Hah, it sure doesn't feel that way, Cole. I waited for this day, to reunite with you and yet I see you flirting with another girl. And I know I should understand that time causes people to grow apart but it hurts Cole, it hurts so much," Her voice cracks and she's crying, that same lost girl I had first met her as still in her. Guilt overwhelms me. Monster, monster, monster. That voice won't go away! I run my fingers through my wild hair.

"Arika, please, I am sorry. It's just, it's just I am not the person you remember. I am," I hesitate. She looks at me with concerned eyes through those tears.

"Go on," I swallow hard, already dreading her reaction. Even if the world is against you, remember, I will always be here for you. Kamilia's soothing voice keeps me grounded, keeps me from ripping my eyes out. She's my rock, my stability.

"I am slowly going insane. I hear voices every hour of the day, convincing me I am a monster. I have trauma and it gets worse and worse everyday. You don't want to be with me Arika, not after all that I did," I feel that panic overwhelm me, and I breathe and think of Kamilia. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

"Cole, there's no way you are insane. You look perfectly fine to me," She laughs it off, as if it's a joke, as if my life is a joke.

"SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut up! You don't understand. No one ever does. Only Kamilia, only Kamilia," My breathing is heavy. I laugh. I really have lost my marbles.

She backs away, terror on her face. She just saw you for who you are, a monster. Her hand is pressed on her mouth.

"Oh Cole, I am so sorry," Arika sobs. I back away, so much anguish filling me. You could never be with her anyway. She reaches for me, but I see that slight hesitation, that slight tremble in her hand.

"Arika, please, just stay away," I beg, not ever wanting to see that fear on her face again, that fear of me.

"Join me, Cole. I know how to save humanity from doom, save you. The kingdom that you are fighting against doesn't actually want to hurt us. He wants help us as long as we agree to unite our countries. No one else has to get hurt," I see the desperation in her eyes, searching for the last traces of the Cole she once knew. He. So I hadn't been the only one who had met someone. Lethal jealousy consumes me, my vision turning red for a second. You have to let go, you have to let go. You don't deserve her, you monster. You are too far gone to be saved.

"I can't Arika, I have a duty to this country. I am a soldier, it's all that defines me, all that I have left," Being the soldier that everyone thinks I am, the beacon of hope for America, is the only way I am able to cope with what I had already done." Repay for those lives you have destroyed.

"Fine Cole, we are done! Over! I never want to see your crazy face again. Get out of my sight," Never could I imagine Arika sounding like that, never could I imagine such cruelness from her. Yet there she was, her eyes cold and empty. Crazy face. I rip my eyes from her and run, run as far away as possible, completely shattered.