Ruin and Revival

Chapter 59: Broken Doll

ARIKA

The rebel camp lay on the outskirts of Aquaria, underground and tucked away from prying eyes. The air is stale and hot and I already miss the cool breeze of the ocean. Shadowy alcoves are dug into the ancient walls of the enormous cavern, the remnants of an ancient, once powerful empire. We had arrived an hour before, when everything had gone to hell and we had all fled for our lives, Axel's spies the only reason why we made it out in one piece. I blink away the image of Frieda's wild eyes, of her deadly dagger. Moisture drips from the stagalites on the ceiling, the droplets adding to the humidity of hundreds of bodies. I wipe a drop from my brow, my shoes plopping in the numerous puddles on the wet ground. People are still flooding in from the above ground entrances. Axel's advisors are busy gathering as many survivors as they can, but as I watch the bloodied, harrowed faces of children and their mothers and the limbless bodies of men, my blood boils until the heat nearly overwhelms me.

"This is the only place fit for our real leader." The spy spins on his heel, bowing deeply toward Axel, who nods gravely as he eyes the two rooms before him, slightly larger than everyone else's. A chilling fire runs down my spine as I take in Axel's expression. Under that mask of calm, I could see a feral beast that yearned his people, his empire, and his reputation. A true Imperator indeed.

I stare at the strange space the man had led me to, nothing like I had ever seen before. A small mat and a pillow lean against the elevated stone. There are no tables, shelves, just a place to sleep and a curtain over the doorway. I sigh, missing my spot next to Axel in his king size bed, missing the luxury I got to experience for a short month of my life.

I step out of my modest chamber, following wherever my feet led me. The faces of the survivors jump out at me, so hopeless and crestfallen. I approach Bri and Sage's room, smiling as I see my best friend chatting cheerily.

"How's your head?"

"It's is just a small concussion, but my girl's tough." Sage replies, his green eyes twinkling as he gazes at Bri, who rolls her eyes. We settle into an oppressing silence.

"What now?" Bri finally breaks the silence. Sage stuffs his hands into his pant pockets, his brows furrowed in thought.

"We fight for what is ours." Sage grips Bri's hand tightly, as if he could not bear the thought of losing her. I suppress the overwhelming horror I had felt when Frieda had threatened to kill her, not even daring to think of what life would be like without Bri.

"Take good care of her, Sage."

"Of course, who do you think I am?" Sage chuckles.

"Guys, I am right here. I'm not deaf!" Bri smirks.

"But Sage is blind to our love!" I grab Bri's hand, kissing it mockingly. Sage only shakes his head as Bri and I cackle in joy, joy weighed down by the nightmares we had experienced, by the lives we had watched destroyed, but it is joy nonetheless.

I wave them goodnight as I trudge back to my chambers. My meager pile of belongings still lay in a desolate pile on the stone. Why do I feel so alone? I glance at Axel's lit room across from mine, itching for those knowing smirks, for those moments where nothing else mattered in the world except for him.

I don't stop myself from entering the damp, dim room, breathing in the musty scent, catching a hint of salt and pine. Axel's brows are furrowed in intense concentration as he pours over numerous maps sprawled on the stone table. I trace my finger along the edge of the desk, glossing over the networks of roads and factories, the ink branching out on the paper like veins on a corpse.

"How are you?" I lightly touch his arm, missing his presence, his steadiness. He turns toward me with his azure orbs and they seemed to scorch into me, a feverish, mesmerizing glow igniting them, like nothing I had ever seen before. They seem to dance under the dim lamp.

"When you said you loved me before," He pauses suspensefully, averting his eyes back to the maps, "did you mean it?"

"Of course. I meant every word. You'd be surprised what the prospect of death can do to a person. Actually, who am I kidding, you know first hand." I chuckle softly, forming a fist with my hand to hide the trembling that has not left me since those scarring moments on the platform that would haunt me forever.

He swallows hard, but doesn't say a word, only stares wistfully at the arch of the doorway. The activity had slowly died down, everyone finally settling down to sleep.

"You need to rest." Axel mumbles almost inaudibly, running his hand through his wild hair. I close the gap between Axel and I, not ever wanting to be separated from him again. The scorching in his eyes doesn't waver as he studies me carefully.

"I love you." I breathe onto his lips, pushing a strand of his hair away from that handsome face.

But he grabs my hand and pushes me away. Like I am nothing.

"Don't touch me like that. And don't tell me you love me anymore because," Axel tears his gaze away from mine, his hands turning white from grasping the edges of the stone, "because the feeling isn't mutual."

The world seems to freeze in place.

"Why? Was I too rash? Should I have waited? Tell me why!" Tears I could not stop stream down my face as everything in me shatters into a million broken pieces. Axel only averts his eyes from mine, standing utterly still.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Just don't visit me anymore." His face is stone cold, no longer full of love I thought was there, no longer vivid and bright. I cannot explain the sensation that courses through me, leaving me with a gaping hole.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much. You were just using me, weren't you? I am just a little pawn in your game. All those moments, all those memories we made, I thought they were real. I thought that good person I saw in you was real. I was wrong. You are just a selfish bastard." Arms that belonged to strangers I did not know had entered the room restrain me as I charge toward Axel, to wipe that pitiless, empty expression off the face that broke my heart. I dig my heels, I snarl, I bite, but it is no use as they drag me away from a cold-hearted leader that held my heart in his claws.

You should have seen this coming. I am thrown onto the wet, grimy floor, like a doll that had been played, used, and forgotten. The guards walk back to their station in front of his room. Sobs rack me so violently that I vomit the meager contents of my stomach. I curl into a tight ball on the ground, unable to do anything but cry like a stupid girl, a girl who never learns.

The tears no longer come, the hiccups stop, and the ceiling is not blurry anymore. It takes all of my willpower, but I force myself to use my arms, heaving myself up because no one else in this life will save you except for yourself.

I slip on my gloves, relishing the way it drains at my unwanted energy, a welcoming pain to distract from the wound in my chest that would never close. I head to the section of the camp that held the injured, the suffering, the ill.

If I could not heal myself, then I would heal everyone else.