Four Broken Pieces ✓

Eleven

I bundled up in my jacket and counted the number of pebbles on the sidewalk as I waited for my grandfather to arrive at our usual spot, the willow tree at the park. The park still triggered horrible memories of the era of EDM but with my grandfather, I'd created newer, happier memories that overpowered those. Now, I could look at the running trail around the park without flinching. Instead, I'd remember the time my grandfather had given me a locket with his photo in it, from when he was just a teenager. He claimed then that his face bore such a close resemblance to an angel that it would ward of all my bad luck, but I knew it was just a sign of his love for me.

"Ah there you are."

My head snapped up to see my grandfather standing there, his eyes wary and his shoulders slumped. Instinctively, I stood up and took one of his hands in my own, my heart thundering in sudden fear. There were very few things that could make the man in front of me upset. He'd always been the life of the family dinner parties we used to have and in all my life, I'd never seen him so much as tear up slightly.

"What's wrong Nonno," I asked and he turned his gaze from me, his eyes pained. It must have been something horrible for him to hide it from me. He'd always been so open and honest.

"Nonno you're scaring me," I said, my voice quivering slightly as the most awful scenarios raced through my head. Had something happened to my mother? Had she been in an accident? Was Grandmother all right?

"Your mother, she's not been herself lately sweetpea," he said, finally looking up at me. His expression was terrifying and my knees locked up. He looked so afraid, not for himself but for me. Like his news would be my undoing. I steeled my heart; ignoring the guilt I felt at not staying with my mother and pressed for him to go on. I needed to know this, know the consequences of my actions.

"Your mother, lately she's been out of the house for the majority of the day. She's rarely at home and when she is, she stinks of alcohol and cigarettes so much so that your grandmother couldn't stay in the same room as her. She's in an awful condition but don't worry, I'll take care of it. You leave this to me alright? I don't want to see you upset," he said, his arms coming around me for a tight hug. I buried my head in his chest and felt a sob break free from my throat. I tried to muffle it, but my grandfather's soothing words as he patted down my hair only made me cry harder.

"I abandoned her Nonno. I abandoned her and now she's suffering and it's my fault. I never should have sent her away," I cried out and my grandfather abruptly pulled away, his hands coming up to cup my face. His eyes bore into mine with firmness and resolve, a man who was absolutely convinced in what he was saying

"None of this is your fault, you hear me? It's your mother's and your mother's only. She's a grown woman and she's made a bad decision that you are in no way responsible for. As her family, we can help her but not out of guilt, but out of love," he said and I nodded weakly. This one thing however, my grandfather couldn't convince me of. He knew just as well as I did that if I hadn't pushed my mother out of the house, none of this would have happened. Yes, I would be more damaged than I was now but I would have never turned to the path she just had. I was stronger than that.

"I need sometime to process this. I'm heading to the gym but I'll see you soon," I said softly, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. He saw right through me and he knew I still blamed myself. He also knew there was nothing he could do about it but that didn't stop him from trying as he hugged me once more before whispering in my ear.

"Do not forget Roe, that your mother is also my daughter. I raised the woman and I love her with all my heart no matter what she's done. And yet, I've never once believed that you were wrong in sending her away. I know what is right and what is wrong when I see it sweetheart. 60 years on this earth has taught me that much. All my love for my daughter cannot defend her in this situation. What you did was right and I need you to believe that, or at least try," he implored before walking away from me, his words still reverberating in my head long after he'd left. He was right but I couldn't do what he'd done. I couldn't see past this guilt and perceive right or wrong. It came with certain maturity I still hadn't attained yet. Maybe with time, as I got older, I would be able to but now all I could do for him was try to assuage my guilt as I slowly walked to the gym.

Soon after my mother left, I'd begun a phase when I'd started to confront my fears. One of the biggest ones had been my fear of the gym, and more particularly the weights. The first time I'd come, I hadn't even been able to enter the building with all the horrid memories of the place rushing through my mind. Now, I could use all the equipment in here...except the weights. Every time I saw them, I could only see the time my arms had almost snapped under them and that caused me to retreat into the shell of my old frightened self as I moved on to the treadmill.

Today was different though because as I walked in, I saw a person working with the weights, his back muscles flexing as he lifted a huge dumbbell the side of my head. His powerful form transfixed me and I stood there looking like a dumbstruck fool, wishing I could be so strong.

It was in this precise moment that he turned around, and his green eyes latched on to mine. I'd recognize them anywhere. They were strikingly different from any pair of eyes I'd ever seen. I blushed spectacularly and tore my eyes away from Ivan's to stare at the shoes on my feet, wishing I could melt into the ground. I could still feel his unwavering stare and I gathered up all my courage before looking up at him. He didn't seem to have any intention of looking away. Not a muscle twitched on his face as he stared at me with an unreadable expression.

I was glad that I did look up, because what I'd failed to notice before was now that he'd turned, I was blessed with the image of his rippling muscle that would put a bodybuilder's to shame. For the briefest of seconds, I completely forgot about the news my grandfather had delivered and shamelessly ogled the half-naked god-like form in front of me.

But naturally, my grandfather's news began to circle my mind once more and I tore my gaze away from Ivan and headed to the treadmill. Whenever I felt overpowered, or burdened, this was my salvation. It was a reminder that if I'd been able to overcome this fear, I could overcome any other problem the world had to offer. Ivan didn't say a word as he continued his own workout and we acted like perfect strangers for the next hour. I knew Ivan would never be the one to instigate a conversation between us. He was far too closed off for that. I was so wrapped up in my grandfather's words that I let a comfortable silence extend between us. I was in no mood to talk at the moment and I was glad Ivan wasn't one too push, although I did feel his eyes on me from time to time. Whenever I looked up however, he swiftly turned away but not before I saw the tiniest concern there. His concern only seemed to increase as I pushed myself harder and harder, my breathing becoming labored. I should have known then that it was a horrible idea.

But instead, I only realized the severity of my mistake as a searing pain shot through my abdomen before it seemed to light a fire in my stomach that had a scream clawing out of my throat. I heard a muffled shout as if coming from a distance before my knees buckled. This was it, wasn't it? The end. I didn't want to die, not when I'd been so close to getting the life I'd dreamed of. I had so much more I needed to say, so much more things I needed to do. I wanted to tell my grandfather, Troy, and Violet just how much I loved them and how incredible they were. I wanted to work through my relationship with my grandmother, who I hadn't talked to in years. I wanted to break down the walls of the boy who held me tightly in his arms now and find a place in his heart, find a place in all three of their hearts.

But most importantly, I needed to stay on this earth for my mother. She was hurting and although I didn't trust her, and although she didn't love me, I knew I needed to be there for her. We would always be linked, she and I, and us no longer living together in no way ruined that bond. She was my mother after all, and no matter what, I would always, always love her and I wanted so desperately to give our relationship a chance in the future. But I could only do that if fate chose to see me through this nightmare as thoughts emptied out of my head and my world faded to black.

And now we're back to the much more serious part of this story. As much as I love the lighthearted scenes between Roe and the boys, these hardships are what defines her and allows her to see what truly matters and they're equally important to the story. As the story progresses, and their relationship develops, the boys will slowly start to become a part of this side of her life as well. 

I hope you liked this chapter, and if you did please do remember to vote and comment below. Love you all so much for taking the time out to read my book. 

-ASH