Four Broken Pieces ✓

Fifty Four

I was standing at the door to the bedroom I'd woken up in. I realized it had been the bed that we'd first shared together. Violet and Troy had slipped away to get dinner and drop by their parents' houses on the way back. They wouldn't be back for the next few hours, which left me enough time to try to put my feelings into words. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. I was greeted with silence so I turned the knob myself.

The three of them were sleeping. Ivan was sleeping with his back facing the other two. Alexei had his arms under both Mikhail and Ivan's necks and Mikhail was close to falling off the bed as he seemed to be sleeping as far away from Alexei as possible who had a habit of caressing people's hair when he slept. I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand in shock. It felt like I hadn't laughed in years. All it took was one look at them to put a smile on my face. I couldn't throw this away even if the idea of opening up about what had happened scared me so much.

"Roe?" Mikhail had gotten up, being the light sleeper he was. When he realized that it was indeed me, he quickly stirred Alexei and Ivan awake as well. All signs of blurry sleepiness disappeared as Ivan fixed his eyes on me as if waiting for something. Alexei seemed to realize what was going on and a wary look entered his eyes. I couldn't really bear the intensity of their gazes and looked through the window instead. I understood why that night on the rooftop, Mikhail hadn't turned to face me until his story was over.

My eyes reflected everything I felt and some thing were best to remain with me. I took a deep breath and began at the point where everything had begun to go wrong. Every word was an effort to produce but for my mother, for Nonno, for these boys and for myself, I managed to speak.

"I took matchsticks and fuel to set your house on fire, to create a diversion to get your mom out. A man tried to stop me. He couldn't." They waited in hushed silence so I continued with an even softer voice.

"I dropped the match and the fire hit one of the gas tanks. The bottom of the house exploded and I would have been blown backward if it weren't for him." My voice was slowly starting to shake and tears began to cloud my vision as I looked at my hands now clenched tightly in my lap. I'd sunk to the ground.

"He saved me. He covered my body with his body when the glass exploded and I didn't realize what he was doing until it was too late. He pressed the gun into my hands as he told me that he was on your side." Tears were cascading down my cheeks now and yet, the boys made no sound. They just waited for me to unleash everything in my heart.

It was time to take that leap of faith and hope I had the strength to pull through. My hands shook and I kept my gaze down as I forced my mouth to form words I'd never had any intention of saying.

"I killed him. It was my fault. He died right above me and I could do nothing to save him. His blood was on me and his eyes turned to glass and yet I didn't even know his name. He gave his life to save me. He's gone and I can't do anything about it but live with it and I can't. It's killing me because he deserved to live, to see you take over the gang, to grow up. He didn't deserve to have his life ended short because of my stupid mistake. I killed him and I, I can't take it back. And the worst part is that I left his dead body there without so much as a glance backwards." I was shaking with sobs now and the boys were reaching out to comfort me. I put up a hand to stop them. I had more to say, so much more. They remained in their place and I fought to control my tears and continue to speak.

And I kept speaking. I told them how Ivan's mother had ultimately saved me, how I'd been impaled and woken up in the back of a car and how I saw Alexei in front of me, bound completely.