Emotions [Dazai x Reader]

Memories

[Y/N]
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I finished up my report for today's interrogation. It was almost the same as every other report I had written for all the other interrogations, only with different information.

As I logged out of my computer, I heard a knock at my door. It slowly opened to reveal a happy Dazai. I looked at him, silently waiting for him to tell me what he wanted.

"[Y/N]-chan~" He smiled.

I kept staring at him with no amusement. I saw his smile slightly waver, then go back into a bigger one. This boy hadn't left me alone. I didn't know why and I just never bothered to look into it. I just assumed he was being forced to make contact with me to make sure I wasn't trying to sabotage the Mafia.

"I have a little surprise for you. Are you busy right now?" He asked.

I shook my head and followed him out the door. He took me to the roof of the Port Mafia, where I saw a women standing on a ledge at the opposite side of us. As soon as we stepped foot off the elevator, I stayed put. Not moving. He looked at me weirdly, tugging at my sweater.

"[Y/N], what's wrong? Are you-"

"Shut up." I whispered.

The woman was my mother

Horrid memories from my past that I desperately wanted to erase started flooding my mind, I could feel my emotions start shifting back to normal, to what they were. I felt all the suppressed anger and sadness unravel in me. The humiliation, rejection, hatred, frustration, hostility, depression, loneliness, abandonment and despair that I've been bottling up for 10 years, start to hit me.

My breathing quickened and my eyes filled with tears, all the emotions burned my heart as tears slowly started pouring from my cheeks. I looked at her as she turned around and grinned at me with no remorse of what she had put me through.

"You...." I whispered, glaring at her.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," my voice cracked, "This is all your fault.."

She is all to blame for the way I am, how heartless I've chosen to become.

I bolted towards her, all of my emotions turning into anger. I hit her in the face, causing her to fall back, and off the roof, her grin was still spread across her deceiving face as she was falling to her death. I kept screaming and cursing at her as more warm tears ran down my red cheeks.

I turned away before she hit the floor, laughing hysterically while crying out in pain. The emotional pain was making my chest hurt. I slowly felt my heart cracking- literally. The emotional neglect was too grand. Dazai came walking towards me, I looked at him, I couldn't tell what he was thinking- as I was too focused on the pain.

"All.. emotions.. off.." I whispered in between breaths.

I slowly felt my all my emotions fade away, I stopped laughing and crying. I felt the cracking in my heart stop. I then felt nothing. The last tear fell down my cheek and I sat there, staring straight ahead.

I watched as Dazai sat in front of me, leaning closer.

"[Y/N], you just killed your mother." He whispered, his eyes widening in awe.

I kept staring straight ahead, not looking or speaking to him. What did it matter that I killed my mother? She's just another human who died along the thousand other people who are dying as of this moment.

"[Y/N]?" He asked, waving his hand in my face.

I had no desire to speak to him nor move away. I just sat there, in a small trance. Everything started becoming pointless to me. I rolled my head back and felt tired.