The Inside

Giving Up

He feels alone, like nobody cares. He goes through school and his everyday life, acting normal, joking with his friends, but on the inside is different. On the inside he's dying inside, because they can only see the girl on the outside. They can't see him.

Only one person truly sees him for who his is. Sure, his other friends call him Logan and call him a guy, but only she can do it without hesitation. Only she can do it without thought. Only she sees him as a true guy.

She doesn't realize how much he trusts her. She doesn't realize how lost he is without her, how one day feels like a lifetime when they don't see eachother. He tries to be her hero when she's sad, but she only hides inside herself, not opening up until night, when they email and talk until midnight, or later.

He looks in the mirror, hating himself for every detail. His long hair, his feminine face, his high voice. He hates his female figure. He would rather die than suffer this. But he stays alive for her. He suffers alone,  hating himself, because he loves her to much to leave her.

He stays alive, but he scars his skin. The skin that really isn't his, it can't be his, because he's a boy and this... this thing, this body, is a girl. He scars her sides, her thighs, her shoulders, anywhere that can be easily covered and easily hidden. He doesn't want her to worry. He doesn't want his parents to get mad. 

He stays in his room. In his room he doesn't have to pretend. On his computer he can be a guy. He can be himself without anyone questioning him, asking him "Why?" because behind the screen, he's just like any other guy. In the real world he hates being treated like a girl, fighting with parents about his hair, trying to hide the hatred whenever someone says his birth name or says anything to remind him that he is, in fact, a she. A female. 

He hates it. He hates himself with every fiber of his being. But he can't let it show. He has to be strong. He has to be a hero for her, no matter how much he cries when he's alone. No matter how many cuts line his sides and legs. Because he never wants her to know how truly weak he is, and how close to giving up he is.