All the times I've had panic attacks, bad thoughts, etc. Basically all that shitty stuff. Warning: mentions of self harm, negative thoughts, and generally just depressing shit.
Updates will happen whenever as I write when stuff happens to me becaus...
Hello. I don't really know how to write in a way that's directed to someone. My normal writing style is really just my thoughts and my fingers typing faster than I know what they're saying so this is kind of new to me. This is the twentieth chapter of this book. It's not really a chapter like the others because it's not really an attack or a breakdown. It's just an acknowledgment to you guys. I thought that since 20 is milestone I guess, I would share some things that have happened since all this shit in my life started. For one, holy shit this piece of crap story has over 200 reads. Wtf. I can't imagine anyone actually being interested in my crappy life other than my therapist, but she's paid to do that. Another thing I'd like to bring up is a message I got. I will not say any names but someone messaged me awhile back saying that my story helped them open up about their own issues to people and now they're getting help and honestly, if I can't be happy, the one thing I would hope for is anyone else going through this to be happy. I honestly didn't know that by writing down my shitty life I could potentially help someone but I did and that in and of it self helps me so thank you to the person who sent me that. Another thing that I don't know if I mentioned in this book, I'll probably read through it later to check though, ever since all this started, and this all started with my suicide attempt back in March, I've thought about a lot of things and I didn't even realize until I had thought about it for hours but I was showing signs of depression months before my attempt. Thinking back, I remember crying on birthday about all the times I had ever been bullied in my life, and how before that, sometime in December, I had had a mental breakdown which is what prompted me to write Useless. I wash showing clear signs of depression way before my attempt. What I'm trying to convey is please don't let it get as bad as I did. If you find yourself displaying symptoms of depression or anxiety or any other very serious mental health disorder, please tell someone. Get help before something drastic happens. Unfortunately, for me it did get drastic. I don't want that for anyone reading this. If any of you feel like you want to commit suicide, that is a huge res flag and I implore you, please talk to someone. If you feel like you have no one to talk to, I will leave links to some very helpful suicide prevention sites. If you don't like talking, they have a few for texting and messaging. You can even text me if you'd like. It doesn't matter what your problem is, I will always be available to talk to whoever needs it. Once again, I hope you are all having wonderful lives and unfortunately, I'll probably be back with an update at some point so see you later.
Suicide prevention hotlines:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Link to suicide prevention messaging site: https://www.imalive.org
You can also find a whole bunch on Google if you search. Please stay safe.
