Heathers Lyrics [Genderbend]

Beautiful

VINCENT[Spoken]:
September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person.
Ya know, I think there's good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year.
I look around at all these kids I've known all my life and I ask myself: What happened?

KIDS:
Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!

VINCENT:
We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased.

KIDS:
Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!

VINCENT:
Singing and clapping,
laughing and napping,
baking cookies, eating paste.

KIDS:
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!

VINCENT:
Then we got bigger.
That was the trigger,
Like the Huns invading Rome -

[Spoken] Sorry!

Welcome to my school,
This ain't no high school:
This is the Thunderdome.
Hold your breath
and count the days,
we're graduating soon.

KIDS:
White trash!

VINCENT:
College will be paradise
If I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful.
I pray, I pray for a better way.
If we changed back then,
we could change again.
We can be beautiful...

(A PREPPY STUD knocks a HIPSTER DORK to the floor.)

HIPSTER DORK [Spoken]:
Ow!

VINCENT:
Just not today.
[Spoken] Hey, are you okay?

HIPSTER DORK:
Get away, nerd.

KIDS:
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!

VINCENT:
Things will get better
soon as my letter
comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown.
Wake from this coma,
take my diploma,
then I can blow this town.
Dream of my ivy-covered walls
and smoky French cafes...

(VINCENT jostles RAM SWEENEY.)

RAM [Spoken]:
Watch it!

VINCENT:
Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!

(RAM upends VINCENT'S lunch tray.)

RAM:
Ooooops.

VINCENT [Spoken]:
Ram Sweeney. Third year as cheerleader.
And eighth year of smacking lunch trays and BEING A HUGE BITCH.
RAM:
What did you say to me jerk?

VINCENT:
... Nothing.

VINCENT & KIDS:
But I know, I know, I know...
Life can be beautiful.
I pray, I pray, I pray
For a better way.
We were kind before;
we can be kind once more.
We can be beautiful...

(MARTIN approaches.)

VINCENT:
Agh!... Hey Martin

MARTIN:
Hey.

(MARTIN helps VINCENT pick up her tray.)

VINCENT:
Martin Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers.

MARTIN:
We on for game night?

VINCENT:
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail.

MARTIN:
I rented "Residents Evil."

VINCENT:
Again? Don't you have the game play memorized by now?

MARTIN:
What can I say? I'm a sucker for action games.

KELLY:
Martin Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!

(KELLY KURT knocks the tray from MARTIN'S hands.)

VINCENT:
Kelly Kurt. Spirit Raiser. She is the smartest girl on the cheer team.
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.
(Furious, to KELLY) Hey! Pick that up right now!

KELLY:
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?

VINCENT:
Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend.
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.

KELLY:
... You have a zit right there...

VINCENT & KIDS:
(Variously)
Dear diary: why....
Why do they hate me?
Why don't I fight back?
Why do I act like such a creep? (VINCENT: Why....)
Why won't he date me?
Why did I hit him?
Why do I cry myself to sleep? (VINCENT: Why....)
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope here!
Something to live for!

(The three HUNTERS enter.)

KIDS:
Ah!... Hunter, Hunter, and Hunter!

VINCENT:
[Spoken.] Then there's the Hunters. They float above it all.

KIDS:
(Repeating.) I love Hunter, Hunter, and Hunter.

VINCENT:
Hunter McNamara. Quarterback. His mom's loaded - she sells engagement rings.

KIDS:
I hate Hunter, Hunter and Hunter!

VINCENT:
Hunter Duke. Runs the weight training. No discernible personality, but his dad did pay for steroids.

KIDS:
I want Hunter, Hunter, and Hunter!

VINCENT:
And Hunter Chandler. The Almighty.

KIDS:
I need Hunter, Hunter and Hunter...

VINCENT:
He is a mythic dick. They are solid Teflon - never bothered, never harassed.
I would give anything to be like that.

HIPSTER DORK:
I'd like to be their girlfriend.

KIDS:
That would be beautiful...

STONER DUDE:
If I sat at their table, girls would notice me.

KIDS:
So beautiful...

MARTIN:
I'd like them to be nicer.

KIDS:
That would be beautiful...

BELEAGUERED GEEK:
I'd like to kidnap a Hunter and photograph him naked in an abandoned warehouse
and leave him tied up for the rats!

HUNTER CHANDLER:
Grow up, Hunter. Bulimia is so '87.

HUNTER MCNAMARA:
Maybe you should see a doctor, Hunter.

HUNTER DUKE:
Yeah, Hunter. Maybe I should.

MR. FLEMING:
Ah, Hunter and Hunter.
(HUNTER DUKE vomits.)
... and Hunter. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class.

HUNTER CHANDLER:
Hunter wasn't feeling well. We're helping him.

MR. FLEMING:
Not without a hall pass you're not. A week's detention.

VINCENT:
Actually, Mr. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Training committee.

MR. FLEMING:
... I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going.

HUNTER CHANDLER:
This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?

VINCENT:
Vincent Sawyer. I crave a boon.

HUNTER CHANDLER:
What boon?

VINCENT:
Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary.
If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone....
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes.

HUNTER DUKE:
How about prescriptions?

HUNTER CHANDLER:
Shut up, Hunter.

HUNTER DUKE:
Sorry, Hunter.

(HUNTER CHANDLER inspects VINCENT'S face.)

HUNTER CHANDLER:
For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.

HUNTER MCNAMARA:
And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull,
I'd have matching halves. That's very important.

HUNTER DUKE:
Of course, you could stand to gain some muscles.

HUNTER CHANDLER:
And ya know, ya know, ya know?
This could be beautiful.
Shaving, maybe some hair gel,
and we're on our way.
Get this guy some weights;
And Hunter, I need some tape.
Let's make him beautiful.

HUNTER MCNAMARA:
Let's make him beautiful...

HUNTER DUKE:
Let's make him beautiful...

HUNTER CHANDLER:
Make him beautiful...
Okay?

VINCENT:
Okay!

KELLY:
Out of my way geek!

BELEAGUERED GEEK:
I don't want any trouble -

RAM:
You're gonna die at 3pm!

REPUBLICANETTE & NEW WAVE GUY:
Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!

BELEAGUERED GEEK:
What'd I ever do to them?

KIDS:
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!

MR. FLEMING:
Who's that with Hunter?

KIDS:
Whoa. Hunter, Hunter, Hunter...

NEW WAVE GUY:
And... someone!

KIDS:
Hunter, Hunter, Hunter...

GOWAN & COACH:
And a jock!

KIDS:
Hunter, Hunter, Hunter..

MARTIN:
Vincent?!

KIDS:
Vincent? Vincent? Vincent?!

VINCENT & KIDS:
(Variously.) And ya know,
ya know, ya know
life can be beautiful.
You hope, you dream, you pray,
and you get your way!
Ask me how it feels
looking like hell on wheels...
My God, it's beautiful!
I might be beautiful
And when you're beautiful...
It's a beautiful frickin' day!

KIDS:
Hunter... Vincent!
Hunter! Hunter!
Hunter... Vincent!

VERONICA:
Vincent! Vincent!

KIDS:
Vincent! Vincent!  

A/N: Oh God, this took a while haha, there's almost 1000 words here. Well, here's the first song of genderbend Heathers or in this case, Hunters!