Heathers Lyrics [Genderbend]

Me Inside of Me

J.D.
[Spoken]
Think. Long and hard. Conjure him up in your mind. What would he say?
What is his final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?

VINCENT
(Writing) "Dear world...
Believe it or not, I knew about fear;
I knew the way loneliness stung.
I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes;
I learned to kiss girls with my tongue."

J.D.
That's good.

VINCENT
"But oh, the world, it held me down;
it weighed like a concrete prom king crown."

(Dead Hunter Chandler sits up. Only Veronica sees her)

H. CHANDLER
No one thinks a cool guy has feelings.
No one gets his insecurity.
I am more than jerseys and muscle.
No one sees the me inside of me.
[Spoken] Jesus, you're making me sound like Air Supply.

J.D.
Keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops.

(Two Policewomen, McCord and Milner, investigate the crime scene)

MCCORD
Whoa! Is it murder?

MILNER
No, look. Here's a suicide note.

VINCENT, HUNTER, COPS
"They couldn't see past my rockstar mystique,
They wouldn't dare look in my eyes.
But just underneath was a terrified guy
who clings to her pillow and cries!
My looks were just like prison bars;
they've left me a myriad of scars."

H. CHANDLER
"Myriad." Nice.

(The COPS hand the suicide note to Principal Gowan)

VINCENT, HUNTER, COPS
"No one thinks a cool guy has substance. That's the curse of popularity."

(Gowan reads the note aloud)

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
"I am more than just a guy who wants blowjobs."

VERONICA, HUNTER, GOWAN, COPS
"No one sees the me inside of me."

(The COPS exit. GOWAN joins FLEMING, RIPPER and some FACULTY)

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
[Spoken] Hunter Chandler is not your everyday suicide.

COACH RIPPER
You should cancel classes.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
No way, Coach.
I send the kids home before lunch and the switchboard'll light up like a Christmas tree.

MR. FLEMING
Out children are dying.
I suggest we get everyone into the cafeteria and just talk. And feel. Together.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Thank you, Mr. Fleming. Call me when the shuttle lands.

MR. FLEMING
I'm telling you we all misjudged Hunter Chandler.
This is the loveliest suicide not I've ever read.

MR. FLEMING & H. CHANDLER
"Box up my clothing for Goodwill,
and give the poor my Nordic Track.
Donate my car to crippled kids,
or to those ghetto dads on crack.
Give them my hats and my CDs,
my pumps and my flats, my three TVs!"

H. CHANDLER, FACULTY
"No one thinks a cool guy has feelings;
but I weep for all I failed to be.
Maybe I can help the world by leaving;
Maybe that the me inside of me."

PRINCIPAL GOWAN
Aw, hell. Long weekend for everybody!

(Teachers cheer, as do arriving students)

MR. FLEMING
Not so fast, kids. They're refueling the buses, which gives us a solid half-hour of healing.
I've mimeographed copies of the suicide note so you can feel Hunter's anguish.

H. MCNAMARA
I never knew about his pain.

MR. FLEMING
Go on!

HIPSTER DORK
His life had hit a rocky patch.

MR. FLEMING
Feel!

YOUNG REPUBLICANETTE
Deep down he wasn't cruel or vain -

MR. FLEMING
Heal!

KIDS
He didn't mean to be such a snatch!

MR. FLEMING
Vincent, you're very quiet. What's on your mind.

VINCENT
Uh, maybe Hunter realized that in order to be happy he had to give up his power.
And the only way to do that was... death.

MR. FLEMING
My God.
Look what we've done.
We're breaking through!
Hunter would be so proud of you!

KIDS
And you! And you! And you! And you!

EVERYBODY
No one thinks a cool guy can touch you...

NEW WAVE GUY
Hunter touching me...

EVERYBODY
But he's made us better than we were.
Hunter's dead, but he will live inside me, and I'll be the me inside of him...

H. CHANDLER
Holy crap! This is awesome!

EVERYBODY
Hunter cried, our sins fell on his shoulders!

H. CHANDLER
Jesus Christ!

EVERYBODY
Hunter died, so we could all be free!

H. CHANDLER
I'm bigger than John Lennon!

KIDS
(Variously)
Hunter's gone, but he will live forever!
He's the dove that sings outside my window!
He's the twin from whom
I'm separated!
He's the horse I never got for Christmas!

EVERYBODY
Hunter sees the me inside of me!
Hunter is the me inside of me!
Inside of... me!