Heathers Lyrics [Genderbend]

Big Fun

RAM
Mom says "Act your age."
You heard it gal, it's time to rage!

ALL
Blast the bass, turn out the light

HUNTERS
Ain't nobody home tonight!

RAM
Drink, smoke, it's all cool.
Let's get naked in my pool!

ALL
Punch the wall and start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!

KURT
Her folks got a waterbed.
Come upstairs and rest your head.

RAM
Let's rub each other's backs
while watching porn on Cinemax!

CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, KIDS
The folks are gone,
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
When mom and dad forget
to lock the liquor cabinet,
it's big fun! Big fun!

VINCENT
So wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot?

H. MCNAMARA
No, salt, then -

H. CHANDLER
You're doing it wrong!

VINCENT
Really? 'Cause I feel great.

PREPPY STUD
Vincent, you're looking good tonight!

VINCENT
Whoa.
A hot girl smiled at me,
without a trace of mockery!

ALL
Everyone's high as a kite,
ain't nobody home tonight!

VINCENT
Stoned. Zoned. I should quit...
Hey, is that weed? I want a hit.

ALL 
Fill that joint and roll it tight,
ain't nobody home tonight!

VINCENT
Dreams are coming true
when people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono at Live Aid!

ALL
The house is ours,
it's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Let's use their showers,
that sounds like
big fun! Big fun!
Crack open one more case!

(VINCENT observes couple making out)

VINCENT
I that that's what they call
"third base."

ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!

VINCENT
That actually looks like -

ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!

(KELLY holds up a pig pinata with a sign that says "Jefferson Razorbacks")

KELLY
All right, people! What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?

(RAM mimes sex with the pinata)

RAM
Gonna make 'em go
Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

H. DUKE
Way to show maturity!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

(RAM grabs HEATHER by the hips and does to him what she's been doing to the pinata)

H. DUKE
Quit it bitch, get off of me!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

VINCENT
Yo! Ram! Emergency!
I just saw some freshman sneaking over the pool fence!

RAM
I hate freshman! Where are you little pricks? I'm coming for you!...

VINCENT
You okay?

H.DUKE
I didn't need your help.

(H. DUKE gives VINCENT the finger)

VINCENT
Aw, thanks for the finger, Hunter, but I don't need to vomit right now.

ALL
The party's hot, hot, hot.
It's time for big fun! Big fun!

KELLY
You need a jello shot!

ALL
We're having big fun! Big fun!

(MARTIN arrives at the party)

H. CHANDLER
Martin Dumptruck, in the flesh.

H. DUKE
Here comes the Cootie Squad.
We should -

H. CHANDLER
Shup up, Hunter.

H. DUKE
Sorry, Hunter.

H. MCNAMARA
Look who's with him -- Oh, my God!

(Points to VINCENT)

ALL THREE HUNTERS
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!

VINCENT
I can't believe you actually came.

MARTIN
It's exciting, right? Excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider.

H. CHANDLER
Showing up here took some guts.
Time to rip them out.

(H. DUKE holds up the pig pinata)

H. DUKE
Well, who's this pig remind you of?
Especially the snout.

H. CHANDLER
Hah!

ALL THREE HUNTERS
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!

RAM
Where the hell are those freshman?

MARTIN
Hi, Ram. I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that nice note...

RAM
What note? Why d'you gotta be so weird all the time?
People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal.
There's no alcohol in here!
Are you trying to poison me?

KIDS
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang (x3)
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
The folks are gone,
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
So let the speakers blow,
they'll buy another stereo.
Our folks got no clue
'bout all the shit their children do.
Why are they surprised?
Whenever we're unsupervised,
it's big fun! Big fun!
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Whooo!