Have you ever seen someone and caught feelings? Not just the typical 3 day crush, but the what was thought to be a 3 day crush turns into a 3 month crush and rolls into 3 years until you finally confess and feel free to a certain extent?
You see, I fell in love with a guy. He's not the man who lives a privileged live in an ivory tower that he calls home. This guy has a hard past that made him an adult at the ripe age of 7, making him raise himself, telling himself the wrongs from the rights without support.
I don't care that he's fighting a war with a one man army everyday, faced with shit no teenager should have to at the accustomed age of 16. Others looking at him see him as a broken item sitting on the back shelf in the clearance section. Yes, he may be dealing with shit in non ideal ways from what I am used to. Yes, he had to grow up 7 year after being born. Yes, he may be broken and damaged in ways unimaginable; but this guy, this is the guy I fell in love with.
The 3 day infatuation that extended into a 3 month crush that developed into 3 years of the same unconditional love that I had for this guy all along could not stay inside of me. For the past months I've wanted to scream in agony, joy and love, "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Instead I convinced myself he doesn't feel the same way but it just crept back and started to peck at me from the inside once again. I wanted to tell him, but can someone who doesn't want help have the same feeling for a girl who hands in projects on time, is raised with strict parents and has a schedule not free enough to be around outside of school?
He may have a broken soul from his childhood that did not consist of anything that was child like, but I fell in love with his broken soul and that's all I know. Everyone has tried to fix him. If he doesn't want to be fixed or believes that he is beyond fixing then so be it. I don't care! I don't care because my brain, my soul and my heart fell in love with a broken soul. All I want is him the way he is and nothing else. No duct tape, no super glue, not even paint to cover mistakes.
The 3 years of unconditional love eating me from the inside, I confessed, I poured my fucking heart out...in the best way I could. Everything is okay now. And by "okay" I mean: crying nightly, falling back in love every time I see him, stuffing my face with sugary treats but the feelings hit me as much as the sweetness on my tongue. The same warm feeling he gave me is the same warm feeling I get from eating soup. The foods I loved I cannot enjoy anymore. This lack of appetite I have is killing me just as much as his rejection of telling me months later that he had once loved me the same way I do. I don't eat because he gave me joy just the way food did. Now my body can't take it and my stomach is as empty as his feelings for me. I am starved of love from him as much as my stomach is starved of food.
Fall in love with a broken soul and you'll end up with a broken heart.
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Pre Feels, Post Feels And Raw Emotion
PoetryA collection of my writing; slightly edited and full of burning emotion. I have no idea what style I write. It's a mix of a monologue, poetry and almost want-to-be slam poetry style. Suggestions and corrections are greatly accepted.
