fun ; phan

eleven

I walk through the school gates, spotting my 'friends almost instantly. They're not where they usually are, and rather, are facing one of the walls of the school building. Suddenly, I hear a cry, and then it makes sense. They're beating someone up, and I know exactly who from just the yelp. I hate it. 

I move a little closer, wanting to stop them, but as soon as I see the pretty boy with wild curls being kicked and punched, I can't seem to move. I want to help him, but the sight of his face scrunched up and full of fear seems to make me unable to get closer, and I don't know why. I'm never scared of people; I'm not, but I can't help him now, no matter how much I need to.

Only seconds later, though it feels like more, they've all turned around, spotting me. It all ends, he's dropped to the ground, and they're shouting my name. I don't want him to know that I'm here, that I could've helped, but I didn't.

"Hey, Phil! You missed out on the fun!" Max shouts, but my eyes linger more on the boy that's become a part of the floor, and I wouldn't be surprised if people walked over him.

"We better get to practice," Pete says, slapping me on the back, and leading us away. 

As much as I know I should turn back, comfort him, I just can't. Plus, I have rugby. No, that's a terrible excuse, I'd rather be with Dan. 

"Yeah, not that we need it, am I right?" I answer, going along with the conversation; as if we're friends. I always create fake banter, and they don't catch on to the fact that I hate everyone. Almost.

"Yeah, yeah, we're gonna thrash that other school next week. Only a few more days, like, 5?" Justin adds, laughing. To anyone else, I must look like I'm having the time of my life, surrounded by laughing boys, people who enjoy my company.

"Totally, I'm, like, 576.8% sure we're gonna win," I say, watching Ian using one of his friends as an armrest as we walk.

"I don't know shit about maths, but that sounds pretty good."

I scoff, not understanding how some people can't seem to understand when I'm joking. I guess I don't understand what it's like to be stupid. It's not even that they lack actual brains, though they do. It's the fact that none of these knuckleheads have common sense.

"So, what's the deal with you getting a girlfriend?" Justin asks, and I roll my eyes at him. It's a common thing for me to do; because everyone says stupid things all of the time. "Or a boyfriend?"

"Just fuck off, I'm sure I'll be fine," I say, punching him lightly on the arm.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, I guess I forgot that I'm the only one of us that isn't a weak pussy," I say jokingly, but really only joking about the first part. Outside of the field, they're a bunch of sissies.