fun ; phan

sixteen

After waking up in the place that I refuse to call a home, I get dressed quickly, running out of the front door, with my phone as my only possession. I try to spend as much time out of the place as possible, knowing that being cooped up in there would do me no good. The streets are pretty much empty, it being a rather cold day, so I'm guessing most people are avoiding coming out today.

I walk with a slight skip in my step, aware that there's nobody that can be a dick to me around, so I don't have to be scared of being teased. No assholes to beat me up, nobody to tease me for my height; except myself, of course. I walk through an old and beaten down wooden gate, the wood chipping off, hinges rusty, and it just generally wearing away. I push it closed behind me, walking into the forest that it leads to. Most places I enjoy are worn down and abandoned, and I suppose it fits me on a personal level. 

The forest has fallen trees, ground completely covered in a thick layer of dead leaves. There's one large tree that fell after a storm, having been hit by lightning. It makes a great place to sit, being that it's right in front of a small lake, that's only about 10 by 10 metres or so. 

I sit myself down, inhaling the cool and crisp air and letting it clear my lungs. I flutter my eyes shut, pushing my hair back, and then reopening them. I trail them across the still water in front of me, and then pick up a small rock from the ground, gripping it in my abnormally small hands, chucking it forwards and breaking the calm. The water ripples out from a semi-large splash from the impact. I sigh contently, causing the air to go white, and then smirk a little.

There's a crack of branches, and I snap my head around. For fuck's sake.

"Oh, hey," Justin says. "I'll l-leave if you want. I just-" 

He's nervous. Why is he nervous? it's me? Surely he should happily take action to punch me.

"You can-can s-stay." I blurt out, no thought behind it.

"Really? I thought you'd want me to go, cause I act like a dick all of the time."

"Yeah, that's true, but," I say, him sitting with some distance between us on the sideways tree. "I don't think you're actually a dick, not as much as the others."

"I guess. I just wanna- I think now's a good time for me to say sorry." He says breathily, rubbing his face.

"What?" I asked, thoroughly surprised.

"I'm sorry. I act like a dick cause my friends do. I don't hate you." He says, and I let the words settle in, breaking under my skin, changing every thought of him. He could be lying, but somehow, I don't think he is.

"Right, w-well, that's fine. I get it. Why are you saying this all of a sudden."

"Cos, Phil don't act like a shit head, and he has a bunch of friends, so I thought that, like, I don't have to be just to stay friends with my friends. Also I- well, I, like saw him with you, n having fun, and I think that's cool, and I don't have to hate you, y'know?"

"Uh, sure, yeah. Cool."

"So, you like Phil?" He asks.

"I suppose, I mean I don't really think I have a choice," I say, chuckling a bit. "He's cool, yeah."

"Well, that's good. I should probably leave you alone. You looked happier before I came here." He babbles, standing up and walking off.

"Bye," I say as small as a whisper.

"Bye, Dan." He responds just as quietly.

I feel calm, and I don't quite get it. Somehow,  I feel sort of at ease.