𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙁𝙀𝙍𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀𝙎, it chapter one

the letter 𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗹

𝗧𝗪: 𝘀𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲

Bill sighed falling onto his bed. It had been a week now, a week since the love of his love hung herself; He adhered onto the neatly folded piece of paper, that contained all answers. Bill sat up, staring down at the piece of paper in his hands. He let out a deep sigh before tearing it open.

Hey,
You're probably here for answers, and that's exactly what you're gonna get. You're reading this to find out why I did what I did, so for once you better listen I what I have to say. I was hurting, inside and out, but I guess I was good at hiding it. How many times do I have to say I'm fine for you to understand that I'm not? You were oblivious to what was going on inside my head, all of you.
I'm hurting? Yes. Alone? Yes. Broken? Yes. Used? Yes. Depressed? Yes. Suicidal? Yes. Abused? Yes. Ignored? Yes. Fine? Yes. I guess I got tired of people feeding me bullshit, 'it'll get better' when? I've been sad for years don't try and tell me it'll get better! I got tired of everything, I got tired of you. Bill, I l̶o̶v̶e̶ loved you. In fact I still do; I'm so in love with you, but knowing that you'll never think of me the way I think of you.. it fucking hurts. I'm sick and tired of hoping it'll get better! I'm losing myself more and more every fucking day, but no one seems to notice! I love you okay! I fucking love you with all my heart, and it killed me. You killed me. Henry killed me. Richie, and Eddie and all the others. You guys killed me; you didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but you didn't do anything right either.. in fact you didn't do anything at all, no one did. I really wanted to be happy, but there was something inside me screaming "you don't deserve it!"
Everyday I felt like I was drowning, but I could see everyone breathing around me. If I could show you how awful you made me feel, you would never look me in the eye again. I hate you Bill Denbrough, but I love you at the same time.

"Just because I let go doesn't mean I wanted to"

I just wanted everything to stop, I couldn't cope anymore, and that's what got me here. I love you blue eyes - Y/N