Everything's Alright (Sequel to "Please Be Okay")

~Ten~

              The hardest part was telling Lydia what was going on. She didn't really understand which I guess I was kind of thankful for. 

"Daddy's really sick." I told her. "You know how I told you that before you were born, his head was hurt really bad?" She nodded her head, still giving me the half smile she always had on her face. I pushed her hair out of her eyes and took a breath. "Well, it happened again. So the doctors are going to try to fix him." 

"Is he going to be okay?" She asked quietly. 

"I hope so honey." I smiled back. I kissed her on the head and finished helping her put on her shoes. 

"Ari..." I heard Dallas say from behind me. I stood up and turned around. 

"Hi..." I said hesitantly. I felt Lydia grab my hand and I gripped onto hers. 

"Dan's... the cancer's back?" 

"Cancer?" Lydia asked frantically. "Daddy has cancer? Grandad had cancer and he died. Mummy, is daddy going to die?" I didn't know what to say. To either of them. 

"No." I panicked. "No, he's not gunna die he just... L why don't you stay with your uncle for a minute. I'll be right back okay?" 

She nodded and I rushed out of the room. I heard Dallas call my name but I just kept walking until I reached the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it behind me as I slid down to the floor. Tears started to rush down my cheeks and I felt my chest tighten. 

"Fuck fuck fuck." I sobbed. I could feel myself starting to have a panic attack, but I didn't care enough to try to calm myself down. 

"Aria?" I heard Dallas ask. 

"I'll be out in a minute!" I called, trying to mask my sobbing. 

"Aria..."

"Go away!" I finally yelled, feeling the speed of my heart rate increase again. I heard him walk away and just fell apart. The thought of a world without Dan made me sick to my stomach. I didn't know how to survive without him. 

As I was hyperventilating and crying so hard that it felt like my head was going to explode, I heard my phone go off. It was Dan. 

"H-hello?" I asked- my voice shaking. 

"Ari? What's wrong?" He asked. He could always tell when I was upset, I shouldn't have even tried. "Aria?"

"I umm... I'm in the bathroom at my Mom's and... I just..." 

"It's okay calm down." He interrupted. "Take a breath, and try again okay?" 

I nodded as if he could see me as I took a deep breath in, and let it out. 

"I told Lydia..." 

He was silent for a second and I could tell he was trying not to cry as well. 

"Okay... did she understand what you were saying?" 

"Not really... but Dallas heard me and said the word 'Cancer' and now she thinks you're dying..."

"She's not that far off..." He mumbled. I choked out another sob. 

"I-I'm sorry.." He said. "I just... I'm scared..." 

"Me too..." I whispered. "But.. But maybe you'll be okay.. maybe everything will be alright." 

"Maybe... Do you think you're ready to come here? If we're gunna be ready by Saturday we have to start planning." 

"Planning a wedding in three days." I laughed. "We'll be there in twenty minutes." 

"Okay, I love you..." 

"I love you." 

I hung up the phone and stood up. I rolled up my sleeve and grabbed a blade I'd hidden in the medicine cabinet. 

"Just one more time. I'll stop after this." I said to myself for the tenth time in the last few weeks. 

         After I'd cleaned up, I walked out of the bathroom and greeted Dallas and Lydia waiting for me in the hallway. 

"You ready to go?" I asked L, smiling. 

"Yep." She smiled happily. Dallas gave her a fake smile but looked at me with concern. 

"Let's go then." 

The hospital was quiet. Which was weird because hospitals around here were never quiet, but it was a nice change. We all walked to Dan's room. I could tell he was in pain when he struggled to sit up, but he did it anyway and he smiled through it as Lydia ran up to him.

"Be careful sweetie." I told her. When she heard me she slowed down a bit, but was still smiling excitedly. 

"Hi Daddy!" She yelled. 

"Hello my love." He said, wincing as he helped her onto the bed with him. Dallas sat down on the couch on the side of the room and I took a seat next to the bed. 

"How ya feeling?" I asked him. 

"I'm okay." He shrugged. "It's you I'm worried about." 

"I'm.. I'm fine." 

"I don't like that hesitation. You sure you're alright?" He asked again, this time grabbing my hand and twisting the ring on the finger. 

"I'm just... I'm tired, ya know? Don't worry." I gave him a fake smile and he smiled back. 

"Daddy I'm hungry." Lydia whined. We both laughed and Dallas stood up. 

"I'll take her to the Cafeteria." He offered. 

"Thanks." Dan smiled. Dallas smiled back at him and nodded as if he was trying to say something deeper than just taking our daughter to get some pudding, but I didn't really understand. He grabbed L's hand and walked out, leaving Dan and I alone. 

"Okay, now tell me the truth." Dan insisted, turning his head to face me and sitting up a bit more.

"What do you mean?" 

"Come on Aria, I can tell when you're lying to me. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean you have to sugarcoat everything. Now tell me the truth." He insisted again. I sighed and decided I would just tell him. 

"I feel like... I feel like if you die then... then I'm not going to know what to do. I won't be able to be there for L and... and I'm just really scared." I choked out. He was silent for a moment. 

"If I die..." He started. "It is going to suck. It's really going to suck. But you will still be you okay? And you... are an amazing mother. It won't be easy, I know that. But you will be alright. Everything will be alright." 

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and my chest tighten. I didn't know what to say. If I lost him nothing would be alright, I would be a mess. I wouldn't be able to take care of myself let alone my daughter. Instead of struggling for words I just kissed him. 

"I love you." I told him, more tears falling as I went to kiss him again, but was interrupted by my phone ringing. I turned around and looked down at my screen. 

It was Phil.