13 reasons why imagines

55-Alex Standall [Miss you more pt.2]

Heres part two for everyone that asked, really do hope you enjoy.

QOTD- Favorite Disney movie?

AOTD- Peter Pan

All of this was stupid, and all of this was tearing me apart. But leaning against the old church as the tears fell and my sobs loud I couldn't help but think of Alex. Think of how much I missed him. I found myself wishing I had more time with him wishing I could remember how he hugged me, or how it felt to have his arms around my waist and my head on his heart. I wish I could remember the sound of his voice calling my name. I wish I had taken the time to take in his sweet aroma or freeze time so I could gaze into his eyes and count every color, memorize every detail of his face. I wish I could go back and replay it all over again, so I can remember all of it. Because it all went by so fast, it was all a blur, I didn't have time to savor the moment and before I knew it he was walking away. 

It was stupid that my heart chooses him as my forever but his heart didn't choose me. My makeup that I half-heartedly put on before the wedding was ruined, and I was alone. No one followed me, no one cared to. I could imagine it now, the stares on me as I left and as the door. As it closed and I walked out the wedding continued. Alex would finish his vows and the deal would be sealed with a kiss. The thought made me cry all over again.

It was cold and I was exposed, my heart ached and I wanted to go home, but Alex was my home. It felt empty out like I entered the world of oblivion, maybe it's where I belong maybe it's what I need. A door opens, but it's not for me. The door opened with might and the person frantically entered, I didn't look up.

"(y/n)?" A voice called my name. I looked up. 

Alex stood there his eyes still so blue and his hair still so blonde, my heart ached and I wanted nothing more than to run to him, but I could not, he did not love me. 

"Go back inside Alex," I warned, "go and marry the girl you love." 

I begin to cry more as I remember when he once loved me when he once promised me that I would stand up there next to him as we said our vows. When he once promised me that no one can ever take me away from him. Those dreams, promises are shattered now, they've been for years. Alex sits across from me.

"I can't," his words soft.

What did he mean by that? He can't. He can't go back in there because maybe he already married her, he can't go back in there because I ruined his wedding and he was going to ask me to leave. He can't go back in there because Jessica was freshening up. he can't go back in there because he was nervous, nervous because he was just about to marry the girl of his dreams.  

"What?"

Alex leaned over right near me.

"You told me to go in there and marry the women I love, but I can't because the women I love isn't in there she's out here,"

What did he mean? Why is Jessica out here? Why can't he leave me alone, why can't he find Jessica, why can't I go home. Why can't I get over him? My head was spinning and my heart ached more.

"Why are you still talking to me? Go find Jessica then, go tell her that you love her to marry her, just let me be." I cry confused.

Alex laughed, "I'm talking about you (y/n) not Jessica."

I shake my head, "you don't love me."

He can't still love me, he loves her, it will always be her, she was perfect for him. He was drunk, yes that's it, drunk off love that wasn't mine. He loved Jessica, he was in love with her not me. He will always kiss her goodnight and hold her, he will always sing her songs and hold her hand, he will always watch movies with her and kiss her, he will always love her. 

"But I do," he replied.

I shake my head again, "then why her? I loved you all these years, I never looked at someone the way I looked at you, I didn't go on dates I didn't fall in love because I loved you." I cry out.

He shakes his head, "Leaving you was the hardest thing I had ever done, it broke me when I left, I was stupid to think I didn't love you. I loved you more and as the years passed by the more I let you drift the more I tore apart. I told myself that you were over me that you no longer loved me, and I believe it, but it wasn't true. I still deeply cared for you, I craved you. When I was with Jessica it wasn't right, we didn't fit like you and I did, but I still asked her because I kept telling myself that you were over me andstanding up there today I belived me, until I saw the way you broke and I knew you still loved me," he sighed. "Belive me when I say that I love you, I love you more and more, I love you and I want you. I have made mistakes in my life but you, you are not one of them." 

I smile and cry, cry and smile. Do I want to take him back? Of course, I do. I need him, I crave him. I still love him.

"I forgive you," I sob.

Alex held me, and suddenly I remembered. I remembered what it was like when he held me, his touch was like heaven. I remembered what it was like when my head was on his chest, it was an endless symphony of love. 

"Shhh (y/n) I'm here."

I remembered what it was like when he called my name, his voice soft making me melt. I took the time to take in his aroma, it intoxicated me in the best way. I looked in his eyes until I could tell you every color I saw, I memorized his face and it was like a painting. I rest out life so I could remember all of it. It wasn't fast it was slow, it wasn't a blur it was crystal clear.

This time I wouldn't let him slip away, this time I would't let him walk away.