The Day I Stopped Hating Myself

Chapter 9- The Shared Pain

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter deals with very mature and serious topics. Read at your own risk. 

Friday comes around, and it's time for my sleepover with Lisa. She texts me saying she'll arrive at my apartment around seven, I can't help but wonder what exactly she wants to do with me. I haven't had a sleepover in ages, and I've kind of forgotten what it's like.

When Lisa arrives, she chats with my mom for a while, then we order pizza which we eat in my bed, watching a comedy about a grandma who sells weed brownies for a living and becomes one of the biggest dealers of the Parisian region. It's one of my favorite movies, so I laugh wholeheartedly while watching it and don't notice right away that Lisa doesn't seem to be enjoying herself that much.

When she sighs loudly, chewing on her pizza in a bored manner, I pause the film. "Are you okay? We can watch something else if you want to."

She shakes her head. "No, it's not that. The movie's great. The pizza too, by the way. And your mom. And the apartment. Everything here is just great."

"Then what's wrong?" I ask, slightly confused.

"It's... it's stupid. You're going to think I'm petty and difficult."

"I don't think that all," I assure her. "Just tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm addicted to weed," she suddenly says, and I stare at her, my mouth making the shape of an o.

I remember what Sam told me on the phone the other day, but to be honest, I didn't think that Lisa's problem was that bad. I would have never believed one could classify her as addicted.

When I don't say anything, she continues speaking, maybe to fill the silence. She looks so vulnerable right now, without make-up, wearing some simple grey sweats and a loose, white T-Shirt. "I get very stressed out. And I have a bong at home, so when I need to relax, I..."

"I know," I cut her off, deciding to be honest. "Sam told me about that. Sorry if he wasn't supposed to."

My friend doesn't seem surprised. "No, it's fine. I trust Sam, and if he reckons you deserve to know these things about me, you do."

"But what makes you say you're addicted? Because Sam didn't explain it to me like that."

"Sam didn't explain it to you like that because up until a couple of days ago, I wouldn't have considered myself as an addict either. But then, last Monday..." she shivers as she carries on with her story. "Initially, I was planning to go to school, to prove to all of you that I'm a strong person. However, while I was getting ready in the morning, I was getting so anxious about the idea of having to see Scott and all of you guys again, that I decided to take a hit from my bong, just once or twice. Once I had started of course, I couldn't stop, and I started smoking more and more before passing out. It wasn't the first time that I had passed out because of weed, but usually it's more of like a nice nap, while this time, I was fully unconscious. Luckily, I woke up before my parents could enter my room and see what I had done, but I was still feeling very dizzy and sick, so I told them I needed a day to rest, and since I could barely leave my bed, they believed me."

"Wow, Lisa..." I respond quietly. "I don't know what to say."

She looks at me with pain in her eyes. "You don't have to say anything. Just don't judge me."

I shake my head. "I would never judge you."

Suddenly, I think of what Sam said a couple of days ago while talking about Lisa's absence: We don't even know if she's missing because of the fight. Back then, I supposed he said that because, in typical Sam manner, he wanted to stay neutral until he had the real facts, but now I realize there was probably more behind it. Maybe he assumed that something marihuana-related happened to Lisa but to not embarrass her, he didn't mention anything. This only makes me respect him anymore. He really does always have the other's best interests at heart.