The Unforgettable Infatuation

Chapter Six

The pic on the side is Casey's Dad and her Step-Mom!

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It was like Tyler drove away from me with my heart and brain.

Everything hurt so much more than it ever had before, and it physically hurt to exist. I didn't know how, but I knew vaguely that I sold my apartment. I remember telling my boss something along the lines if 'what's the point of living without the one who makes you want to wake up in the morning?'

I remember driving, and I didn't know where I was going. I didn't even use the GPS.

I remember parking my truck on the neighborhood street and letting myself into the house without knocking. I think I was crying so loud I woke everyone up. I remember seeing my Mom and Mitchell, and then Kyle. I remember each of them holding me and telling me I would be okay. I remember Preston on the phone with somebody, looking really mad. I remember Kathryn whispering to me. I remember Mom and Kathryn physically forcing me into the shower. I remember going to therapy, but nothing worked.

Because it all just hurts so much. Everything hurts.

I had no idea how long I was there for. I just remember sleeping in the guest room and everyone trying to get me to go out. I remember Kyle or Mitchell taking my truck out once a week so the battery wouldn't die on me.

And I remember crying until I physically couldn't. I remember my entire body aching with pain, my throat burning from my sobs. I remember refusing to wear anything except for Tylers black t-shirt, Tyler's gray sweatpants, and his leather jacket.

I know Mom would take it once every two days and make me sit in a towel at the table.

When they got out of the wash, I put on the same thing.

I remember seeing my Dad's face, and Sam's.

I even remember seeing Delaney, and Tyler's brother, Drew, but never Tyler.

Because he doesn't love me anymore.

This hurts so much more than I ever thought it would.  Nobody has ever loved like this before. Nobody has ever felt this pain before.

I remember Mom getting me to do her hair one day. I didn't say anything to her as I did it.

I remember slowly getting off the couch to go around the block or something. They never let me go alone. Kyle spent most days with me.

I feel like my life is just a sad song. All I want to Tyler to hold me, to tell me he didn't mean it. I remember somewhere along the way that Kathryn told my family that Tyler was going through the same thing.

But he bought out the best of me. The real me can't even come out without Tyler. He's the love of my life, my best friend, the one person who can make me smile when I'm crying. I love him so much, and he told me he loved me.

But if he loved me, why did he leave me?

I remember getting up off the couch and going driving around with Kyle, looking at things.

When I saw places I went to with Tyler as I kid, I would start crying and Kyle would drive.

He didn't take me home unless I asked him to.

I remember finding another job and working there, and faking smiles and giving my Mom and step-Dad rent. They thought I was okay again.

But the amount of times I thought about just taking my life was too many, so I put myself back in therapy.

It's August of the next year.

I still haven't spoken to the therapist about my problems, but I think today is the day that I will. I need to. It's been nearly a year and I'm struggling to wake up every day. At night I dream of Tyler, of him waking me up and telling me he was kidding, that he loves me.

My Mom and Mitchell are paying a lot of money for me to come here twice a week and stay silent.

I feel bad about it, and I'm tired of feeling this way.

"You know something" I whisper to the therapist, speaking to her for the first time ever. She raises her eyebrows. "When people get a hangnail and somebody tells them not to touch it..." I frown. "It's dead. It's not going to magically reattach itself to your nail. I don't understand why people don't just rip it off."

The women frowns.

"The day Tyler left me, I felt like he put a clamp on every vein putting blood to my heart. I felt like he cut off my blood supply, and now my heart is pumping, as if I'm trying to swallow with not liquid in my mouth. That's how I feel. The clamps are sewn on, and the only person in the universe that owns the scissors to take them off is in Boston, and I'm here. And we can't be together because he told me he can't. It hurts him. I can't hurt Tyler. I don't want to."

"Why don't you tell me about Tyler?" She offers.

I look away from her.

"Well, I'm not ready for that yet." I whisper.

"I think you are." She says patiently.

"I'm going home." I stand up abruptly and walk out, cutting off my last forty five minutes.

How the hell am I supposed to exist without Tyler Griffith at my side?