I should have known it was going too well. I took being happy for granted, and now it's blown up in my face. In a weird way, it's almost worse than Corey- I knew he was the problem, but this time it feels like it's my fault. I guess it probably was- I always screw things up, always. I thought it was getting better, but obviously not.
It started when Brad asked me why I didn't want to hold his hand when we were out earlier. "You did before." he'd pointed out.
"It makes me feel like everyone's staring at me." I'd explained.
"Why would you care what they think? They're just strangers." he'd argued.
I was surprised at that- surely he knows how much being with Corey destroyed my confidence? "You don't get it." I'd sighed. "You perform in public a lot, you wouldn't understand." That came out a lot ruder than I intended it to and I was about to apologise, but I couldn't as things quickly turned into a screaming match. All my anxieties were pouring out, and I just couldn't stop them.
It all came to a head when I'd yelled "Why won't you just shut up for a minute and listen to me?"
Brad responded with "I spend most of my time listening to you complaining about how shit your life is. Have you never stopped and thought that maybe you're the reason why?" I'd been quite close to tears anyway, but I was completely unable to respond to that. There was an awful silence for a second until Brad opened his mouth to say something, at which point I promptly burst into tears- I just couldn't stop crying.
After a few seconds Brad almost whispered "I'm sorry Trissy."
I'd shaken my head. "No. Leave me alone." With that, I'd gone out the room, grabbed my bag from the hall and just run out of Brad's house. I've run off from him a few times, but this was definitely deserved. I may have made things much worse, but it was his fault. I'm currently walking through the streets, roughly wiping at the tears that won't stop falling. I'm a mess, I get why Brad was frustrated at me- I would be too, I'm impossible.
Ironically, the only people who've looked at me have all given my sympathetic smiles. I appreciate it, although it doesn't change much. I just wish I could go back a few hours so none of this would have happened, and I would still be with the one person who can deal with me and that I'm not too much for.
I don't even know where I'm going, I just needed to get away from it all. These roads are definitely familiar, and it's only when I walk up to where I used to live with Corey that I realise. I don't have much in the way of other options, so it's going to have to do. As I walk up the stairs, another sob breaks through. I don't want to see Corey again, I want Brad back. I'll just have to pray.
Thankfully my key still works, and as I go in my sense of relief is heightened when I realise Corey's not here. He has been recently, but he's not now. I put the chain on the door- I need to keep myself safe, so I don't really feel bad about locking Corey out. It feels like ages since I've been here, even though it isn't. But there's so many bad memories attached to this place that I don't want to be here for any longer than I have to. But that's a problem for tomorrow.
A more pressing problem is where I'm going to sleep- I don't want to be somewhere that Corey's had God knows how many other boys, but I don't have much choice. Clearing the sofa would show that I've been here, and that's the last thing I need. I can only hope that Corey will never know. In all honesty, he's probably forgotten me already- he now has an excuse not to care about me, not that he cared before.
As I get into bed, I let out another sob when I realise that his side of the bed still smells like him. It's a weird feeling to experience, though I'm too tired and emotional to worry about that now. I'll have to try not to think about all the boys who aren't me that have been here. There will have been a lot, I know what Corey's like.
That makes it sound like I miss him, which I don't. It's Brad I miss, and my heart breaks all over again when I check my phone and see the cute picture of him I have as my wallpaper. Before I know it, I'm sobbing again at my own fuck up. I have a horrible feeling that it's going to be another night of crying myself to sleep, weirdly enough in the same bed I always used to.
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Sorry about the sadness 😭 I still quite liked this one though. Please vote and comment!
Did anyone else get tickets today? *waves at other London people* though it was stressful as my dad had to get them for me as I was 3 hours away on a uni open day.!
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Piano Man (Tradley au)
Fanfiction'He knows that it's me they've been coming to see to forget about life for a while' Or, the one where Brad plays the piano at a smoky bar, and Tristan escapes to said bar to get away from life.
