Falling Into Oblivion

Part 1

George Carlin once said ' Just because you got the monkey off your back , doesn't mean that the monkey left the circus ' and that , my dear friends , is something I learned the hard way . Something that everyone should know and yet they don't .

I contemplated deleting all of this , and stopping myself before committing a mistake ; but here I was taking a bite of that sinful apple and all I hoped for is that I survive in the end .

Where should I start ? Oh ! I know !

-9 years old-

'Mom ! I don't want to go to school , pretty pleaseee!!!' I say

'You have to. If you're a good girl I'll buy you some cookies and that drink you like ' she responds

'Promise ? Say that you'll promise '

'I promise' she tells me and at that I run and hug her . Excited about my first day of school .

After that my maid Ineni , who was a part of the family , helps me get dressed and lets me leave . My mother takes me to school with our driver and tells me goodbye right in front of our classroom door where I find everyone that was with me since I was a little girl . Just as always , looking at the class , I burst out crying and everyone laughs .

That wasn't traumatic but it kept happening until a certain day .

As lessons pass , 'our break' comes . And here I find myself alone , yet not .

Let me tell you a little story , when I was a mere child ( 5-6 years old ) my mother decided to go to America on  midterm. Now I am told that I as a kid was silent torward my family and chatty to my friends . But after doing a term in America and coming back , the exact opposite happened . I became chatty to my family and silent to my friends , except for one , my best friend , who we'll call M .

So here I was , first day of school , on break , all alone . I felt like an outsider and preferred to eat alone , but the girl who had a crush on my best friend and acted as the queen bee of the class , simply because I let her , kept trying to lull me into her group.

You may think that I'm full of myself , saying that I let her be the queen bee , but I'm not , it's the truth. I was best friend of the king bee , as you may call him , of the class , all the boys came to talk to me , all the girls referred to me and she was the queen bee ? That's not right .

Did I forget to mention that we were best friends , but she started developing a crush on M ( who was only my friend ) and so she started being jealous and thought that I was too stupid to understand that she didn't like me at all ? That she only wanted to become friends with me so she can get close to M ? I just chose to ignore her and let her be .

I don't even know why I'm writing this , it may be because I simply don't like her 'till this day and quite childish, I know , it was her birthday yesterday and I didn't say anything at all .

Anyways , school flies by and I find myself , in the afternoon at M's house and I was having an absolute blast , running , jumping , simply being a kid .

Me and M we were inseparable , my sister was his sister's best friend , my mother was his mother's best friend , my father was his father's business partner , it was as if we were written in the stars , destined to be together . At least that's what my nine year old mind remembers .

The closest we got was to swimming together and holding hands . So nothing happened or specifically nothing more could happen .

-11 years old-

Time passes , and in the country I'm living in , a civil war starts .

Without being able to do anything , M's birthday comes and I wasn't able to go to his birthday party , he got mad as you may imagine and the day after that , when we had school he gave everyone the photograph of them together that they took on his birthday party .

Now that I think about it , it was a good thing I didn't go and a good thing I didn't have that photo.

My parents , by parents I mean my mother and father , transfer me to another school and so I wasn't able to say goodbye to anyone or more specifically M .

M's name is Manaf.

My father works 24/7 and so I never see him . My mother still goes to school and so I never see her . The person who raised me until I was 12 was Ineni and she is an absolute sweetheart .

At the new school , I have 0 friends and I like it that way , I don't study because I simply don't have the will to. I don't have the will to do anything .

One day , a boy from my class , decided he liked me and started sending me poems and giving me gifts . I didn't like him at all and the poems were creepy .

I remember one poem in particular that said ' if I were on the moon and you were on earth , I would use my blood to write I love You on it and communicate with you from there '

And a girl who always saw me alone decided to help me , and wanted to become my friend . D was like glue . No matter how many times I told her that I didn't want to be her friend she kept sticking like glue and for that I thank her a lot .

And so I found myself in a place I didn't know , with people I didn't know and I thought that it couldn't be worse than now .

-End of a small flashback-

I didn't know ,of course , that that was the beginning of the problems that would come on my way .

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