Falling Into Oblivion

Part 5

Anyone else wonder how it would feel like?

Being dead, I mean.

Death.
Bad.
Good.

Sometime during my life, I came to realize that death can actually be relief, peace from all one's problems, all one's worries, all one's troubles...

At the same time, death means not seeing anyone anymore, not feeling the water all around one's self while swimming, not tasting the sweetness of a strawberry or the sourness of a lemon during a nice summer day where the sun is as radiant as always..

Love.
Good.
Bad.

It seems that love is dangerous.
Obsession
Possessiveness
Jealousy
All stem from the seed that we call love.

Love is wonderful, beautiful and the best thing that can possibly happen. For a while, you see the world through rose-colored glasses and see everything in the best way possible
Until, it isn't.

When love isn't what it should be, it will become something that is incredibly dangerous... Some call it obsession, others call it possessiveness.

Now I am not saying that those are always an obsession, but quite honestly all the books and stories written on wattpad with a possessive and jealous male as the lead character are books that are made romantic...

If something like what normal happens during these stories were to happen in real life, that would be called OBSESSION.

And a lot of people die due to this.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of everything.

I'm tired if trying and failing every damn time.

I'm tired of thinking.

I'm tired of having to continuously remind myself to stop eating to much, to nit eat to many chips or ice-cream.

I'm tired of having to think ' how many calories is in this?', ' are you sure you want to eat this?'

I just want to rest.

I just want to sleep.

And guess what....?

I learned something the hard way :

Life will never be perfectly white and black, but it will always be in Grey.

And therefore, everything that is life, and is part of it, will be Grey.

Guess things weren't as easy as I thought...

I feel sad.
I feel off.
I don't know what to do or how to react.

I just feel slightly numb.

Dont get me wrong, I get angry.
I can also be happy.
I can be sad or even giddy.

But in the end, I lie on my bed, feeling the same way I always do.

Numb.

------------******-----------------******---------