Falling Into Oblivion

Part 6

"How would you feel? If I told you I loved you? It's just something that I want to do"

People often don't realize how hurtful their comments are.

Sometimes they believe they're sarcastic, others they're funny.

Often those comments make people, mainly me, agonize about what they said whether it's an 'I don't need to lose weight, she does' or a 'she's the one who doesn't know sh*t, not me' and ruin their whole mood.

As the lyrics of Ed Sheeran's song drift into my mind , I cry.

I cry for one comment.

I cry for that feeling of hopelessness.

I cry for me.

I wonder if they know how hurtful their comments are, but I doubt it.

They have it all and let go to waste.

Do I envy them?

Does it make me a bad person, if I say yes?

They have everything and still they waste, they complain and they hurt.

They don't feel guilty.

Ever know a person like that?

I do.

Just my luck.

I woke up happy today, energized.

During the afternoon, I was plunged into my own personal hell by my father and my own sister .

My mother and my other sister, after seeing me crying, defended me and I appreciate that.

My father didn't know what he was putting me through.

But Z, my sister, commented, as always, and hurt my feelings, as always.

Most of the time she's selfish and cares about herself.

I recall one time my sister, not Z the other one, she'd told me I lost weight and Z looked at me, raised her eyebrows and said "I don't see it".

Another time Z said " I don't need to run she does"

Let's not forget "I don't need to pay attention to my weight, she does" or " she was and she is fatter than me ".

But she's my sister, right?

She's got my back, right?

So it's ok, right?

These small comments are like slaps I get each and every time she says them.

She makes me more self conscious than anyone else.

And the moment I cry about this, she says "what's wrong? You always told me it was just a number. Why are you crying? " in a truly perplexed tone.

And my parents don't know about this or they hear it and don't believe anything is wrong.

What can I do about it?

I share the same room as her, I go to the same school as her, I have the the same family just like her.

I can't do anything about it.

And you know what's worse?

I keep comforting her and helping her just because of my religion.

It says you should always help people, even if they are mean to you so here I am, helping her.

Is it possible?

To be so naive?

I have no solution whatsoever and I am still at square one.

Should I ask you what to do again?

Or should I suck it up and deal with it?

I'll go with the latter.