I Never Meant To Fall

20. He Fell

Bellamy:

He swore repeatedly as soon as Clarke was gone.

He kicked out and destroyed half his tent.

He was hot with anger and despair.

He shouldn't have let her go but what could he do? She'd made up her mind.

His anger spiked once more and he cried out in agony, falling to his knees.

He sat there panting for some time.

How had he gotten here? How had he been so foolish? She was privileged, had he not foreseen this to some extent? He'd been a temporary amusement but now that someone of her calibre had arrived, she was gone.

He shouldn't have let himself fall. Everything that falls gets broken.

He recalled the previous night with a defeated groan. He could still feel a buzzing all over. Trails, left behind from her gentle touch. He pushed his hair back and closed his eyes, remembering the way she had pulled at it, tangling her hands up in it, as he had done with hers.

Bellamy stayed in bed all day. He did not cry, with the exception of the one tear that he failed to hold back. But that was all, he just felt empty. He could feel the presence of her in the ache of his arms.

Broken.

Within two days the whole camp was talking about the wedding.

Bellamy hadn't actually seen Clarke, or Aaron. He drove himself to nausea imagining where they could be...what they could be doing.

I was there first Kiddo he found himself thinking bitterly. He had to hold onto that. He knew, as angry as he was, that Clarke cared about him. He knew why she had chosen to say yes. That didn't make it hurt less.

He did understand though. He'd spent the past two days working with the other guards to clean up the camp, and fix the fences from the riots.

People were still angry, but Bellamy had to admit the air was lighter. More people were chatting contentedly, laughing, all excited for the first wedding on the earth in 100 years.

Bellamy's stomach clenched just thinking about it and, gritting his teeth, he focused on replacing the wire over the ripped fencing.

Eventually they sat down for a break. He, Miller and Bryan all headed down to the well to wash and drink.

They sat down and Bellamy leaned his elbows on his knees, looking away as Miller kissed Bryan on the cheek. Bellamy looked up slightly and saw their fingers intertwine and his chest clenched.

They ate and refreshed themselves, chatting lazily but Bellamy didn't feel up for it. He found his attention wandering as he searched for Clarke or Aaron. He just had to see her.

It wasn't until the following evening that he did.

He was just coming off shift at the gate when he saw her leave medical. Her clothes were dotted with blood and her hair was slick with sweat as she wiped her forehead. She looked tired and worn down. Bellamy stood frozen a moment.

She looked up and smiled.

He started foward when he noticed someone walking over from the right. Bellamy stopped as Aaron approached Clarke and kissed her. She smiled, shyly looking down. Aaron took her hand and they walked away.

That wasn't the way to Clarke's tent.

Bellamy swore under his breath. He didn't know what to feel. Anger that she was happy? Anger that he had taken her from him? Glad that she was doing well? Upset because he missed her? Annoyed because he missed her?

He felt them all and yet he felt nothing. He thought about the wedding. It would be happening in less than a week. If he couldn't even watch him take her by the hand, how was Bellamy supposed to watch him take her as his wife?

AN: got any fanfic recommendations?