N E V E R • XXXTentacion/Jahseh Onfroy

N E V E R•Part 6

    X hadn't been to school for obvious reasons. I shook my head slighyly. Its not a good look to start off at a new school with a bunch of absences.

    After school I would frequently go and visit X at his house, specifically everyday for about 2 weeks.

    We would talk, laugh a bit, then he'd shut me out and get mad.

    His mother didn't really seem to care and spent most of her time either in her bedroom or in the living room, watching TV with Aiden, X's little brother.

    I sat with him one day. His face was healing much better and he seemed... I dont know... Brighter.

    "Willow..?" X spoke to me, gathering my attention. "Yeah X?" I replied.

    "Why are you here everyday? You barely know me." He said, confusion on his face.

    I shrugged. "I'd like to think we're friends now.. Wouldnt you?" I said.

    "I dont have friends." He answered, a hard look on his face.

    "Yes you do, I'm your friend." I protested.

    He shook his head. "Anyone that was ever my friend either stabbed me in the back, never really cared about me, or got their life together and forgot about me. I dont have friends."

     I remained silent, thinking of the scribbled writing in his notebook.

     "You're afraid to let people in, because once you do you're vulnerable and theres nothing you can do about it." I said about after a minute.
   
     He didn't reply. "You dont have to open up to me X, not if you aren't ready. But I still consider you my friend even if you dont consider me yours." I sighed.

     He stared at me for about a good minute. Growing a bit uncomfortable I announced that I had to go. My mom was waiting for me at home.

    "Bye X. I'll see you tomorrow." I said, grabbing my things getting ready to leave.

    Before I left however I sighed, and laid a kisson his forehead, only this time he was awake for it.

    He seemed confused. "Whatwas that for?" He asked.

    I shrugged. "You need a little love in your life." I said, and with that I began to make my way home.

    After walking for about half an hour I finally made it. It was no better than the building X lived in but it had to do for now.

    It was a small beaten down house. We had roaches, bugs, all of that stuff. Not something you would usually see out of the ghetto.

    I unlocked the door and walked in. "Mom, I'm home!" I called out.

     "Hey honey!" My moms drunken slurs filled the house. "H-how was school?" She hiccuped.

     I sighed. "It was fine mom." "G-good." I walked towards her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She reeked of alcohol.
 
    She had been this way ever since dad left her for someone else. It wasn't even a woman it was a man.

    I didn't have a problem with it but I feel like he should've been honest from the start and not mess with someone elses feelings just because hes unsure of his. Thats one of the worst things you can do in my opinion honestly.

    He lived in Beverly Hills with his rich little boyfriend. Yeah, he still cared about me and sent over money but he would check in less and less. It was lonely. I lived with my mother while my little sister Daisy lived with my dad and his boyfriend.

    Living with mom wasn't all that bad though. It was just only bad when she would bring a man in the house and they'd go and try and touch me. Too many have touched me already.

    But my mom was a good person. Shes just coping... I'm coping too and its okay. Heartbreak is universal, we all deal with it in our own ways.

    I went into my room, leaving my mom to her drunken self. I would always check on her of course. If i had tried taking away the booze and bringing her to bed she'd become violet. I had to learn that the hard way.

    So i just let her hang by herself, make sure the doors and windows are locked, make sure the alcohol cabinet is locked too, make sure sharp things are put away, she was access to food etc.

   As soon as I entered my room i turned my phone on, watching the samsung logo pop up. With a dad who has a rich boyfriend who practically loves me you'd think i'd have an iPhone right? Nope.

   As soon as my phone turned on my phone began violently vibrating with notifications from my friends. They've all been blowing up my phone with messages and calls. Jeez.

   I opened snapchat and opened my recent message. It was from Lynne.

Lynne- Dude, whats going on with you??

Me- what are you talking about L?

Lynne- You've been distant, disappearing after school..

Me- Im fine

Lynne- Are you still thinking about Curry and his bitch Jennifer? They're not worth it

Me- I know they're not.

Lynne- Seriously, if hes really gonna believe you cheated over some stupid proof fuck him, because you gave him proof that you didnt and he still didnt listen

Me- Yep.

Lynne- hes really a dick and you can do better

Me- I know.

Lynne- Lets find you a man

Me- Im not ready for that yet Lynne. Please just let it be.

Lynne- :((( Im here for you, i love you

Me- Love you too.

    Me and Lynne were practically complete opposites. Out of all my friends we shared the most connection. And that was something, espdcially since I felt a lack of connection from all my friends.

    I continued to open messages from friends, reply, answer their questions and listen to them rant on about how I need to move on etc.

    I know they were only trying to help but they were making it worse by mentioning him at all.

    Its so damn hard not to text him on other social media accounts etc. Since hes blocked me on all my main ones.

    Its hard wondering about whether he misses me or not, if hes having a hard time texting or calling me too.

    Its hard wondering if he's deleted our messages and is honestly really genuinely only focused on Jennifer. It was hard.

    But for once, he wasn't the only thing on my mind anymore. Jahseh was too.

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Comment, vote, or something!! I need motivation to keep writing this, its actually very therapeutic for me actually.

Excuse any mistakes 💕💕