right? - d. twins✔️

xxi

sliding his arms off the couch he leaned into me, my heart started beating fast.

he placed his finger under my chin, and kissed me gently on the forehead.

"i'm gonna hop in the shower, alright?" he stares into my eyes once again, seeking approval.

i can only nod and bite my lip. with that he's up and gone, down the hallway and into his room.

i sit in silence with my thoughts, my feelings. why is this such a struggle for me? if i'm happy, why am i holding myself back? if i'm unhappy why don't i just leave? there's really nothing holding me back except a piece of paper. that's what any smart person would do in a situation like this, they would leave, and i'm a smart person.

right?

i stopped feeling love for grayson a long time ago...sure i thought i still did but when i think about it now, that wasn't love. all i felt anymore towards him was fear, hatred, or lust.

that's what my "love" had turned into, a fear driven lustful dislike. no love whatsoever. at least, not towards grayson. but, fuck, did i start to love ethan.

his arms, his body, his smile, his hair, his personality, his concern, his smirk, his...fucking everything. the way he held me, the way he fucking looked at me like i was the only girl in the whole world, the sound of my name rolling off his tongue, his actual literal tongue. his hands, oh god his hands. his smell, fucking hell that smell that made my mouth water.

the sound of running water made me jump from my thoughts, and up off the couch.

if this was love, i wasn't going to throw it away, and if his feelings were true, i didn't want them to fade.

if i was going to keep running, i wanted to end up in those arms.