I'm Not Okay [UsUk]

Secrets

"Goodness gracious, this piano is actually really heavy."

Arthur and Matthew, along with the Brit's father, finally took all essential items from the brothers' house with them, and were now carrying them to the car - which also included Alfred's electric piano that they were painfully trying to place over the seats and to the trunk. It barely fit, but after some time they did it with a long exhale out of pure relief.

"I agree with you on that one", Matthew nodded and sat himself in the back seat next to the instrument which took away almost all the space of the vehicle.

"So, what do we do about Alfred? Should I talk to him about the thing we just read or do I just let it be? Maybe he would appreciate a conversation." Arthur asked as the first thing he did after getting in the car and closing the door. He was still extremely worried about that songbook he found, not daring to read another page of it. It was like finding dark pages of someone's diary, but Alfred's thoughts were all in the shape of songs. Creative, at least.

"Talk to him. You should do it. I think he wouldn't want to tell anything to Matthew because he's younger and Alfred doesn't want to hurt him with the terrible truth. But you on the other hand... Go for it." His father gave an immediate response. A good one, too.
Arthur decided that he really would do it as advised.

Alfred is in need of help. Immediately, before he does something really stupid.

Like hurting himself.

Or worse.

"I... I'll do that. Thanks for the advice, dad." The Brit let out a long breath, looking through the car window and examining the moody English weather again. Why did it always have to be cloudy? Arthur could swear he hadn't seen the sun in years.

Matthew stayed silent in the back seat, surrounded by his own troubled thoughts.
Was there really something that terrible his older brother wouldn't tell him about himself? He prayed to whatever god he didn't believe in that Alfred would be fine, and that he didn't do such things to himself like it was stated in the last verse of the song.
To him, it was only important that they got away from dad. But on the other side, the younger boy wasn't in such a devastatingly bad mental state as Alfred - in general, he was fine. Lately just stressed about the situation they were in, worried about Alfred, thinking about school stuff he needed to finish and nothing else that had the ability to bring him down. Especially now. He had to stay strong for his brother the best he could do that.

In a couple of minutes only, the car parked in the driveway in front of the Kirkland family house, Arthur's father stepping out before the two boys. "First, bring in the piano. Then we'll get the other things." He ordered, helping the two who just began working on taking out the big instrument from the car without dropping it.

"I think Alfred will be glad we brought this thing here." Arthur smiled lightly at the thought of him being happy on at least a second, and he himself couldn't wait to hear Alfred play.

But first, they needed to have a very, very serious conversation.

- - -

Alfred was laying down on the guest room bed, and at first sight looked really peaceful. On the inside, he was extremely troubled, both physically and mentally tired out by life.
He spent twenty minutes in the bathroom, drowning the miserable feelings in his own blood and tears, deep down feeling thankful that Arthur's mother Alice didn't try to unlock the door and get him out, but instead thought that he just needed to cry it out by himself.

Little did any of them realize, it was more than simple tears.

His breathing was shallow and there was obvious tension surrounding him, and all he could do was lay and stare at the ceiling aimlessly, the numbing pain in his arm taking his mind of other things at least on a minute. He wasn't crying, no, but there was a worse feeling clouding his entire mind, difficult to describe in words...