A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Five : The Mother Of The Dying Girl

"What are you digging from the side of the couch? Did you drop rice there? I told you not to eat on the couch! Now go and sit at the dining table!" my mum yelled at my little sister who looked startled and then quietly did what she was asked to do.

"Maa, can I borrow one of your dresses? I have that wedding thing to attend tomorrow," I said as I picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and my mum peeked at me from above her magazine.

"Yeah, of course, dear," she replied with a smile, her entire demeanour changing. "We can even go shopping to buy some new clothes for you--- "

"No, no. I told you before also, I'm not going to let you waste any money on me." I bit into the apple and leaned against the wall. She looked conflicted, but I gave her a reassuring smile. I didn't want her to buy clothes which would only last till I'm alive. My sister could be given those clothes, but there would be memories of me attached and it would be unfair to her. I didn't want my sister to be sad.

Suddenly, my sister started coughing loudly.

"Swallow properly, Gemma!" my mum roared and she flinched. "Back straight, don't slump!"

Gemma quickly sat erect and I looked at my own hunched shoulders which didn't bother mum. My mum was soft on me and this was all because of the reason that I wasn't going to be here anymore. My mum was half Asian and half white, but let me tell you, she had really embraced her Asian roots. She lived up to every stereotype of an Asian mother, she was strict, a tad conservative and looked closely as to how we performed academically. I was saved from her wrath because I had quit school almost two years ago, was homeschooled after that for less than six months and finally quit that too when I couldn't do it anymore and just wanted to help my grandpa at his flower shop.

My mum's and my relationship was just recuperating from the devastating effects of the news that I was going to stop my treatments a couple of weeks ago. There was only a slim chance that I could live more since cancer had spread almost everywhere and there was no use enduring the pain of the treatments to live a little longer life. It was by far, the most difficult, but the best decision I had to make and it took me hours to think and days to convince my mum. The doctors supported my decision which made a great impact on my mum as she reluctantly accepted. Deep down, I knew that she was mad at me for this, but I knew that she had seen me suffer. She loved me and wanted to give me what I truly desired.

I was under palliative care now which helped me to ease my pain and suffering. It wasn't that I had given up on my life, but I just chose what was best for me. To stop the treatments wasn't like suicide, it was to help me lead a healthier life in whatever time was left. I was in the final stage of grief- acceptance and I had been in this stage for quite a long time. The doctors said that I took the news of dying better than the other patients did, but I honestly knew that I hadn't.

I was past the horrifying days where the news of my cancer had just dawned on our family and everyone had gone into a state of hysteria. It was almost three years ago, but the memories were still vivid. Our entire house was painted in the darkest shade of black and grey as everyone looked sombre and ruined. I used to not leave the room and cry endlessly until my mum or my sister used to come to my room with a plate of food.

Countless therapy sessions for me and my entire family, my family and friends reading books about 'How to cope with a cancer patient- Tips and Tricks,' like I was some sort of sorcery or mystery that people wanted to deduce. In all this mayhem, Jamal made me feel better with his frivolous jokes.

"Since you don't want to go shopping, you can wear the pale pink dress I had bought. I have just worn it once," my mum said while walking towards the kitchen and gently snatched the half-eaten apple from me. "It's dinner time dear, and one of your favourites is cooked, corn tortillas with mushroom gravy."