A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Forty One : The Girl Who Cried

Third Person's POV [Logan's POV]

Logan intently watched Joy from his sitting position under the tree as she took pictures of sunflowers. She had mentioned that if she survived till Christmas, she wanted the sunflower pictures on holiday postcards. 'It would give some warmth to gloomy, cold days,' she had said. If only she knew that everything would be cold and bleak once she would be gone anyway. Logan didn't say that though, he only smiled.

He was still struggling to find ways as to confess his growing love for her. The small coward and wicked part of him wanted to keep it a secret till the end, but the righteous and brave part of him wanted to admit it to her right away. It wouldn't be fair to her if she never knew that he truly loved her. It wouldn't be fair to him if he kept it to himself and never got the chance to love her more.

But how could he say that? He couldn't just blurt it out like a fool nor cry out his feelings like a hopeless romantic from the top of a cliff. That would be suicide. He wasn't sure of Joy's feelings yet and as much as he was afraid of rejection, he was more scared to witness her reaction. What if she pushed him away and distanced herself from him? He couldn't think of losing her twice- once because of his lack of intelligence and the second time because of that bastard of a disease. 

Suddenly, he saw a whirl of yellow in front of him and as he looked up, dazzling, crystal clear eyes stared back at him. "What are you thinking Logan?"

Her voice wasn't playful, rather concerned and her head was tilted slightly, expecting an answer.

She had noticed that he was lost in deep thought. "I . . . " he trailed off, his mouth turning dry.

Tell her! Tell her that you're in love with her!

He pushed deep the nagging voice in his mind and shook his head. "I'm just hungry."

"So you were thinking about food?" Her expression was light and humorous.

"Right yeah," he lied. He had to tell her gently, but today wasn't the day. Today was too lovely to be spoilt. This could wait, he could wait. Joy could wait. "What are we eating?"

"Well as promised, I arranged a picnic." She sat down on the patch of grass beside him. Tucking her dress under her knees, she reached out for the jute bag and retrieved boxes of food. "There's onion pie, peach custard tarts and grape juice. For me there's this mixture of veggies like broccoli, cabbages and nuts."

Logan's eyebrows knotted in confusion. "Salad?"

"I'm trying to follow a diet. Reckless eating will take me nowhere even though I'm technically going nowhere," she said dolorously. Her optimism seemed particularly low now as if she just realized how little time she had. Perhaps she was woeful at the loss of sumptuous food. Logan thought that her sadness made her look more human and not the mystical angel that was painted in his mind. "But hey, I can barely taste the goodness in delicious food because of my meds. So it doesn't matter, does it?" Logan quickly nodded, but she looked crestfallen. "It does matter though. Even when the food tasted like sand, the way it looked did matter."

"Maybe." He eyed her carefully as she sighed longingly.

"Will you remember me Logan?" Her voice faltered. "Will you remember me when I'm gone?"

"Joy---"

"I'm sorry, I'm being stupid." She laughed nervously and covered her face with her hands. "Of course, you'll remember me and so will my mum, dad, Gem, Shaun, Jamie . . . We remember the people we love, don't we?"

This is the chance! Tell her you love her!

"Yeah," Logan mumbled, not liking Joy's doubt. It was always easy being around Joy because she was in a buoyant mood each day despite of her suffering. It was as if his own burden disappeared being around her. But today, it was different. Today, it was his chance to be positive and let her unburden all her feelings. "Joy, you'll always be there, you'll never cease to-to exist."