A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Forty Five : The Boy Gone Crazy

"Are you kidding me Logan? No, stay right there, don't come any closer to me." Logan halted in his tracks of reaching out for me as I took a cautious step back. "I swear to God, tell me you're joking," I almost begged him to take his words back.

I love you Joy.

I love you Joy.

I love you Joy.

"I can't Joy, I do love you---"

"N-No, you don't love me. It's because we are spending a lot of time together, aren't we? Ha! We can fix that. I won't come to the flower shop from tomorrow, alright?" I didn't realize when I started laughing hysterically, but I did. "Alright?!"

"Joy, calm down," Logan lowered his voice and stretched his hands towards me. I flinched and stumbled back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He threw his arms in the air, surrendering. He continued warily, "We can sit down and talk quietly Joy. I won't come any closer to you, I promise. Please calm down."

My initial shock had subsided as sudden anger bubbled inside me. The nerve of him to tell me to calm down! He dropped a massive bomb on me and there was no shelter to run to- no safe haven to go to. I demanded flippantly, "How can I calm down Logan? How can I? You're claiming that you love me and it isn't fricking true!"

He shook his head, his gaze frantic and intense. "It is true Joy, you can't say it's not. You don't know what I feel so that's why I told you that I love you."

"But you can't, that's the point! Don't you get it? You can't love me!" I felt crazy saying that, but how could he not get my point? Was he so ignorant? The Logan I knew could understand the universe about me with one twinkle in my eye. "Y-You can't possibly be in love with me. What you're feeling isn't love, it's just fondness. I have been with you through thick and thin so it's normal for you to feel liking towards me. You don't love me, you simply like me as-as a friend."

My eyebrows knotted in confusion as I noticed Logan tugging at his long sleeves furiously, the material nearly tearing.

"Do you realize now that you're not in love with me, but you just like me?"

"The fuck I do Joy!" he finally burst out, his voice raising. Before I could escape, he held me firmly by my shoulders. "You can't tell what others feel, you fucking don't know. You don't know what's best for people, I have told you before again and again. You can't make decisions about others or what they feel because you don't know! You don't know about my feelings and you can't decide what I feel because I do love you Joy. You can't fix or-or change it. I'm honestly in love with you and I suck at expressing m-my feelings. You don't know what's going in my head right now, it's a fucking mess believe me. I want to say a thousand million things to you that you don't know. And God damn it Joy, it's okay for you to not know, you're only human."

Tears were streaming down my face as I silently stared at his chin. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him- in his eyes. For in the clear pools of glittering green lay truth and love. I couldn't look at that, I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice," he apologised softly, but I remained silent. He waited patiently for me to say something or even nod which I didn't. I could feel his anxiety prickling him as his grip tightened. He then shook my shoulders almost desperately. "Say something Joy, say something please," his voice sounded as broken as my heart. "Don't be like that, please say something." He squeezed my arms and shook me again. "Please Joy, say something."

"What do you want me to say Logan?" My voice was shaky as I tried hard to be steady. I noisily wiped my tears, but they kept coming. "How can you-you not understand? I'm not making decisions for you. My intentions were never to control your life . . . "