A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Sixty Five : The Girl Devastated

"Done it? What the hell do y-you mean by that?" I demanded, but Jamal was pulled back harshly by Shaun.

Shaun said gravely, "Logan's in the hospital right now . . . His condition is serious."

"Done it? What?" My eyes flicker frantically between Shaun's and Jamal's, searching for answers. "What is going on?"

"His body was found near the bridge. He's lost a lot of blood and he's unconscious now."

I can't see them properly, my vision is obscure and I can taste salt on my cracked lips.

"That doesn't mean he has done it! It would have been an accident. Logan is strong, he is strong," I repeat agitatedly and angrily throw a pillow towards Jamal. "Get your facts right before talking crap!"

"I assumed---"

"Not now Jamal," Shaun cut in. "You should rest Joy, we'll go to see Logan."

"What? I-I'm coming with you guys." I tried to get up and winced in pain. Note to self- never get up suddenly. My family stared at me wide-eyed. "Take me there . . . Take me to him right now!"

Shaun glanced at mum who came to his rescue, "We cannot take you there now Joy, it's of no use. You know that. He's unconscious and visitors won't be allowed to see him. Shaun and I'll stay there the night for updates and will be available to help. If his condition gets better and it will, we'll take you there in the morning."

I crawled on the bed towards them. "Don't do this to me please. Take me, I will sleep there on those seats, I don't care. I-I just want to be close to him."

"Think practically Joy," mum said bluntly. "You'll be of no help there and you'll only make yourself uncomfortable. Logan wouldn't like that either. Besides, we're there for him."

She gave me a pitiful glance and all of them shuffled out, shutting the door before I could protest.

I slumped on the bed and angry tears rolled down my cheeks. What did they mean by unconscious? Was he asleep or had he fallen into a coma? Did his mind drift into a bright dream with roses and butterflies or was he stuck in a nightmare- a labyrinth of twisted thoughts where there was no escape?

Was he in pain?

The door creaked open and in my dark room, I saw the shape of Gemma.

"G-Gem, I appreciate y-you coming here but . . . " I didn't want her to be here, to see her sister crumble.

Gemma didn't say anything and simply handed me a glass of water. I reluctantly took it, but I was thankful she gave it to me because the roof of my mouth was dry and felt like little thorns were pricking the back of my tongue. Perhaps it was due to my urge to weep more.

"Do you know what happened to Logan?" Gemma asked quietly as I gulped down the water.

"I don't know. Jamal's assumption is ludicrous, Logan would have never done it . . . "

"What do you mean by done it?"

I bit my lip, my eyes squeezing shut. "Committed suicide."

It was hard to talk about him and suicide in one sentence . . . The prospect of him actually doing it was far less recently- zero even if it wasn't for how sceptical he behaved sometimes. But his suspicious behaviour had other reasons, I somehow knew it because I believed in him and I knew that he had started to believe in himself too.

"Why do people commit suicide?" Gemma asked innocently and then added, "There would be a lot of reasons . . . But why is taking our own life wrong? It should be our choice what we can do with our life. Is this notion selfish?"

Her gaze was concentrated at her feet with her long hair shielding her face. I was taken aback by her honest belief as I tried to search for a wise answer in the darkness.

I couldn't, so I responded the way I perceived the world, "Some may call it selfish, but people suffering are so overcome by their own illness that-that they fail to see the world clearly. When you're in that much pain, it's hard to think about others. Taking your life is the easy route, it might even feel like you're doing this world a huge favour and that all the people you love and are loved by would be relieved. But it's not the truth, it would tear them to bits. You're not alone, you're never alone in this war. There are the horses you sat on, the armour you wore, the swords you used to annihilate the enemies. What about them? They need you as much as you need them. You can't abandon them on the battlefield. That's why, people suffering need support, they need help to realize of all that they're leaving behind- all the beautiful things, people, places . . . All that they always wanted to have and become."

"Logan must have realized that because we all helped him," Gemma mumbled, her voice seemed to be coming from far away.

"Of course he did," I said without any hesitation. "Although, he has his struggles like paying the bills and his past punching him in the gut when he least expects, he has won the war. He's enjoying life, I'm sure he does. There's no way in hell he would have entertained the mere idea of committing suicide- no, that's ridiculous!" Gemma got in the bed beside me and passed me her handkerchief. I wiped my face with it and already fresh tears began stinging at my eyes. I sniffed miserably, my voice thick, "I just hope he's fine."

Gemma placed her palm over my hand in reassurance, her eyes never meeting mine. "It was Gizmo who alerted a person near the bridge. Logan was then rushed to the hospital."

"Gizmo did that?" I repeated and she nodded proudly. "You can go to your room now Gem, it's late. I'll be alright."

"No you're lying," she said sharply. "You won't be alright. I'm staying."

"Okay then lie down here and don't kick me in the sleep like you used to," I said with a hint of humour, but my heart felt heavy.

She laid down and partially hugged me. I knew she didn't like cuddling- she felt like a sardine among others trapped in a tin can. So I didn't snuggle to her and instead, stared at the wall as a myriad of emotions started to creep over me.

I felt her hand on the curve of my waist. She murmured, "And you stop crying JJ."

"I'll try." I didn't sleep for the next couple of hours until exhaustion washed over me and my eyelids became droopy. I must have slept for a while before I woke up again, drenched in sweat. I dreamed of Logan calling me desperately in dense woods and just when he had found me and I extended my arms towards him, a wolf pounced on him from behind. It was a silly dream, but it had left me feeling devastated.

With trembling hands, I texted Shaun regarding any updates about Logan and he replied after ten minutes or so that Logan was still unconscious. I felt myself getting jittery and I wanted to throw away my blanket- bolt to the hospital, shake Logan vigorously till he finally woke up. Till he was out of the cunning wolf's grasp.

Gemma stirred beside me and her hand clasped mine in the darkness. "Stop crying JJ."

I went to sleep again.

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A/N :

I came across the video attached in the media on YouTube and found it to be informative so thought I would share it with you guys.