Spotify has this feature called Time Capsule. They compile a whole bunch of songs you used to listen to a lot into a playlist and call it your Time Capsule. They say it will take you back in the time.
It's a weird feature. I don't have a problem with it. And I'm not complaining that it's there. Because I am a true sucker for nostalgia and I enjoy relishing in the past.
But sometimes when I look at it, like I did today, it only makes me sad. It shouldn't, really. It's a nice feature. A courtesy. A 'hey, remember this?' to some and a 'hey, look how far we've come!' to others.
My Time Capsule is filled with bands I no longer listen to all that much.
Mayday Parade. Blink-182. We The Kings. Secondhand Serenade. The All American Rejects. My Chemical Romance. All Time Low. The Downtown Fiction. Green Day. The White Stripes.
Even Panic! At The Disco is in there, y'all. Pretty. Odd. is in there. So is twenty one pilots. Vessel is one of the first ones. Fall Out Boy's Infinity On High is there. My three babies. They're in the Time Capsule.
Granted, I am most likely overthinking this and looking for a meaning it's not supposed to have, but that doesn't matter. It's symbolic, dammit.
At first I cringed when I saw all those precious more emo-pop-punk-rock bands. But I had to remind myself that they made me happy at one point and time. Even though now I cringe and wonder why I ever listened to them, I know that at one point I didn't cringe when I pressed shuffle. I didn't cringe when I sang my heart out in the car on the way home from dance practice.
That's another thing that's changed. Dance. I don't do that anymore.
There's so many things that have changed within the past two years that I don't even realize, but I know have affected me. I have gone through so many small changes that I don't realize until a while later.
And it only makes me wonder what big change I am preparing for. These are the small ones. But when does the big one come? Am I going to recognize it when it does? Will I even like it?
Every time I think about it I'm reminded of that quote from Doctor Who.
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"As long as you remember the people you used to be."
I do. I remember the versions of myself I used to be. I used to be shy and my guard used to be so high. I used to only wear hoodies and jeans and my hair was hardly ever brushed or parted a flattering way. I used to talk so soft that teachers never called on me because they knew I knew the answer, I was just quiet. I used to apologize for being loud or for the smallest of things and I used to be so scared of trying small new things like sitting at a different table next to a different person. I used to be so scared. I used to be so angry at the world and myself and everyone around me.
Who I used to be is so different from who I am. I don't know that I would recognize who I used to be. But that's okay.
As long as I remember them. As long as I remember the things that once made me happy should not become a laughing stock just because I don't find them enjoyable anymore. And what I find enjoyable now should not terrify me because in a few years my interests may be different.
We are always changing. We are always moving forward and finding new interests.
Just don't forget who you used to be. Don't forget about her. She's important too. She got you where you are now. Remember her. Hug her tight and tell her things will be so great and so good so soon. Just hold on. And don't worry about it too much.
