Paying For Love [3]

(15) bathroom stall

Jin Perspective

💋

I'm no longer worrying for Hoseok.
He stands in front of me, smiling to himself as he stares at his feet.
His hands are empty, but his ring finger will be occupied soon after,
soon after he moves on with his relationship.
I'm no longer worrying for Hoseok.

Smiling as I align the microphone near my mouth, we're going to perform, and I need to ease my breath from racing from adrenaline. Carrying myself with might, we're all in a line, a sequence, and I'm too focused on the dance moves to pay attention on Yoongi who holds bags under his eyes. The man is tired and still hiding from something. Something I don't know of yet.

My feet pat the ground, my shoes silent when compared to the maknae-line that positions themselves.

Fans are already screaming and waving their lights, the ARMY bomb. We have not yet started, and the audience is in chaos. Screaming screaming screaming, and then suddenly silent from the awe they experience when we turn and start.

I can't see the audience in full view because of the blaring spotlight heating my skin, my pores starting to sweat. But I can see an ocean of bobbling heads that squeal and enjoy our music up close and personal. We're on tv, broadcasting, and on a music show that is familiar to us – I'm not that nervous.

I sway, fight through the moves I've mastered, and do my best to not have my voice waver when I sing my parts. It's hard being an idol, singing and dancing at the same time is something to master. I feel like I've mastered it, the occasional bad day makes me think differently sometimes.

I blink, I blink, my contacts are irritating me more than usual.

When I run to the side, and let Jungkook and Taehyung sing their parts, I notice a face in the dark amongst the crowd. No longer blinded, I smile when I notice you with your very own light stick. You see me in awe of your sudden presence and I almost trip when Yoongi pushes me onto stage for my part that nears.

The fans see me disoriented for a second. They're confused, and I hear it through the changes of their screams. I swallow hard, focus on the performance of 'DNA' as I strike for my solo. I blush, I see you smile with laughter from my embarrassing fails and that eventually makes me smile like an idiot.

Your eyes are on me,
and I'm aware your eyes are on me.
Involuntarily, unknowingly, I work harder, dance harder, and sing with all my heart.

I put on a show for you and your screams are what I hear, as you enjoy yourself, clap and sing. You're with the rest of the ARMY that are oblivious to who you are...

And what you mean to me. Stop it Jin! I scold myself, focus!

The performance finishes with a bang, my neck is sweating, my jacket is warming up. The jean I wear is black, so it absorbs the light that makes me hotter, while my feet numbingly move quick down the stairs to backstage. As I sneak off stage however, I consider the audience and spot where you once were.

You aren't there any longer, my eyes narrow.

"Yah, that was good." Hoseok chimes, smiling hugely. I wonder if he's happy because of the performance going well, or because of his life now has a fiancée to cherish. I think it's the second one.

"It was," Jimin laughs, noticing Hoseok overly excited when we stomp past other idols, and towards our specific room in the back. "I'm just glad we don't have another broadcast until the concert coming soon."

"Ahh, I can't wait to rest man," Jungkook mumbles, wiping the sweat off his face with the sleeve of his jean jacket. Moving into the room and following the others that are beyond tired, just like him.